Sunday, January 25, 2004
When I was stil a kid, I was already fond of doodling. The house we used to live in had scribbles on the walls - of fishes, of fat and deformed people, of letters and numbers, etc etc. LOLz My mother would often tell me not to draw on the walls, but when I got hold of a pencil, I would start to draw again. //laughs//
When I was in fifth grade, I was making drawings of girls in pretty dresses during Civics and Culture class when I got caught by the teacher. Ehek. She was angry and told me that as a punishment, I have to draw 50 girls of exactly the same size and appearance. I was so afraid at that time, and I remember that the only thing on my mind was the need to tell her that I do not know how to draw the same characters over and over again. That each drawing I make was always different. ^^;; Good thing that after class, she told me not to draw anymore, but to remember not to draw again in her class. HiHiHi... anou na, I was a pretty good student in class and it's not often that I get into trouble.
In sixth grade, I remember that I drew cartoony faces and sold them to my classmates. Then eventually my "assistant" took over the business because I was too lazy. LOlz
In high school, I also drew a lot. For projects, for class decors, for poster-making contests, for my classmates. I remember that I would often doodle at the back pages of my notebooks. Also, whenever I chat with my friends over the phone at night, I would instinctively grab a ballpen and the phone directory and start scribbling and doodling. So it was no wonder that our phone directory looks like something that's been vandalized and tortured with weird doodles and texts. Ehek. My mom threw it away. LOLz
Why am I writing about this? Because now I'm often doodling again in class. //sigh// As long as I have a pen and paper in hand, I would tend to scribble and doodle. And so my attention would shift and I don't listen to the lectures anymore. I.MUST.STOP.DOODLING!!!! ^^;;
But anyway, while I was in my classmate's house the other day, we were scanning some pix and I noticed that I had brought one of my notes with a kawaii doodle (well, I think it's kawaii anyway.. LOlz). So I had it scanned too. It was my first time to have my drawing scanned. We called it "Pharma Chick", because I drew it in Pharma class. //sheepish// Anou..
PHARMA CHICK
Anyhoo, I really don't think I'm much of an artist. I can draw a bit, but I think that's about it. I will never become a manga-ka. Because I could never draw what I have in mind. They always end up looking different! LOLz It's perhaps one of my frustrations in life. To be an artist, after all, requires talent and practice. And I am too lazy to draw seriously. So I guess I'm OK with that. Maybe... I can be a....
SINGER!! //thinks// NAAaaaaaaHHHHHH....! NO WAY. Not in a million light years. LOLz ^^
"You cannot let go of something you're not supposed to hold on to in the first place. After all, you cannot lose what you never had."
Hah. Sometimes when I remember it, I feel a mix of emotions - a mix of anger, frustration, betrayal, confusion, pity, all sorts of crappy emotions - but most of all, a very deep sense of DISAPPOINTMENT. And then I wonder if I never learn from the mistakes of my past, if I am bound to tend to commit the same error again and again. Is it because I am gullible and desperately want to believe? Or is it because I am just plain ba-ka? //sigh// I should choose not to feel. I should choose not to think. I should choose to be cold and indifferent. After all, that's part of who I am, ne?
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
...to cry...
Last night, my beloved bid me farewell. //very sad// In the nth Ranma 1/2 episode, my love finally said "Sayonara" to me and broke my heart...
It was a really touching episode about his almost-reunion with his mother, and even though the series was left hanging, I thought that it was a better ending than many other series that I've watched. Ranma 1/2, after all, is an episodic anime. And I was very grateful, because even in the last episode, Ranma chose to be chooooooooooKAKKOI for me... When he saved his mom from that water pump explosion, he looked oh-so-masculine and oh-so-bishie-ous that I almost thought him to be an angel. My Ranma, you are indeed an angel. //smiles// And then when he bidded his mom farewell with an image of him in her dreams and promised that he would one day see her again as her "completely masculine" son, I thought that he was very admirable. //huggles Ranma// That's why I love you so much!!! ^_____^
And in that very last scene, when Akane and MY Ranma suddenly turned to look straight at ME, I felt that it was their way of saying goodbye to ME. I almost thought I heard Akane promising ME that she'd take good care of MY beloved. And then they turn to run off towards the future. Their future. //sad// And then I realized that the series has ended, that everything in life has an end, that one can never hold on for too long to something that's too-good-to-be-true...
Well... itsuka kitto... someday surely... I shall meet MY Ranma face-to-face. But until then I shall continue to wait and shall keep him dear in my thoughts, in my dreams, and in my heart... always and forever...
(ehehehe... sounds like a mushy love letter.. //sheepish// >.<)
This afternoon, our college didn't have any classes because we attended the Regional Med Whiz Competition, which was participated by 3 of the medical schools in Mindanao (MSU-IIT, DMSF and our school). One of my classmates was part of our college's team. It was very exciting because most of the questions were really difficult. it was a pretty close fight and everyone just wanted to qualify for the National Competition tomorrow. Well, with many thanks to God, our team won!!! YEY!!! //happy// We feel very proud. ^________^
After the quiz bowl, we went to watch a basketball game between our college versus the College of Medicine of MSU-IIT. We came all prepared with banners and um... these wave-able stick thingies with crepe paper of our school colors. And we yelled so hard and cheered for our team. After almost an hour of cheering and getting my glasses all wet and foggy (it was quite hot in the gym), OUR TEAM WON!! 83-67!!! WEEeeeeeeeeeee!!! It was a good game, and we would sometimes jokingly cheer for the opposing team. ^o^ Anou na... they had a cutie player who could play very well... //sheepish// Every time he'd make a shot, one of my classmates would yell "LOVE YOU TOO!!" Nyahahahaha ^________^ It was really funny because at one point, when he received the ball, he ran off all by himself towards OUR TEAM'S RING! And everyone just stared at him!! //giggles// That was so cute!
Actually, the reason why we have all these different delegates visiting our school is because we are the host for this year's APMC Convention. Tomorrow is the start of the 3-day convention and all med schools in the country will have faculty and some students who will be coming here. I was supposedly going to attend the convention with my classmates but I changed my mind and decided that I'll just spend that time at home with my family and also to study. //sigh// I wonder if I'll be missing some things... //sad// This chance can perhaps only happen once in my life... Demo ne, I have already decided. And I am not the type to be swayed by the decisions of my peers. But still.....
WHAT IF I MISS THE CHANCE TO MEET CUTE MED BOYS FROM OTHER SCHOOLS!??? WAAaaahh!!
Just kidding! ^_______^;;; LOLz!!
Ah! I just remembered! I saw my oh-so-kawaii sempai earlier at the quiz bowl. One of my close friends whispered to me, "Hey Misaki, your sempai has become even more good-looking!" //blushes// How is it possible that he is so busy with his clerkship but he can still manage to look oh-so-kakkoi!? //smiles shyly// I guess that is one of life's many wonders... ^__________^
I found another D2B site again where I can view some of their vidz. Sugoi da ne! //happy// I can't believe that I'm obsessed now with watching online music vidz. Hahay. Too bad I can't d/l them, because:
Reason #1. I don't have a PC. ^^
Reason #2. I don't have a burner. ^^;
Reason #3. I don't know how to download. ^^;;;
Well, those reasons are pretty lame because I know that if I REALLY REALLY want to, I will pool out my savings (as if I have any money! LOLz) and let the cafe burn the vidz for me. But...
Reason #4. Yukichan said that the quality of .asf files are not very good.
And I think it will not improve at all especially if I will have it converted to VCD format (hm.. I'm still figuring out how to do that, hehehe). Besides, I'm quite contented already to just see them online. I'm afraid I might not be able to study if I just keep ogling Thai bishies at home, ne? ^____^;;
Hm... I have the impression from watching those vidz that Big seems to be the lead singer of the group. Big is cute! He is actually more of my type. //giggles// But my heart belongs to KAWEE-BEAM already... ^_________^
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Today, we had our Sophies Recollection at Betania Retreat House. We're all actually still soooooo tired and weren't really up for a reflecting session immediately after the bimonthly exams last week. But there's no other time anymore (we've been postponing it since like forever!) and so we just had to give up watching LOTR and proceed with the recollection.
Well, I was definitely pleased with what happened today because I got to reflect on God's Love (which was the theme) in His creation, in my life and in those around me. For the reflection of His creation, we had a little "Creation Walk" in the retreat house's beautiful garden which was overlooking the sea. I also saw some water lilies for the first time and thought that they're really pretty. I decided then that I am a little like the water lily bud. It's anchored firm to the pond but hasn't bloomed yet. But someday, when it will, it will look really nice. ^____^ //cough-cough//
Then we had some readings and then I got to share a little of my life with one of my closest friends in class. She told me she appreciated my being responsible, dependable and organized. ^^;; Anou na..! //shy// I told her that I wish I was more outgoing and daring like her. ^o^ After our little sharing, we had our lunch (YUMMmmm!! Love the shrimps!) and then we broke up into groups to further share about our reflections based on our Bible passage (which was the story of Jesus walking on water). Most of us were struck with the lines "Take courage and do not be afraid" and "O you of little faith, why do you doubt?". I realized then that many of my classmates feel the same way as me about the hardships in medschool, and that we all believe that our faith in God is essential if we want to succeed in our studies. It was a really fulfilling sharing session because of the insights and also because we were in the other side of the retreat house grounds, this time overlooking the breath-taking mountains. ^___^ (I realized today that I really like mountains.)
After that, we went back to the function room to have a little "Circle of Love" experience. I remember when we did this during my undergrad senior's retreat, we opened up our feelings for our clasmates and cried so hard. But today, we didn't cry. It's because the boys kept cracking jokes to ease the tension. LOLz I took that opportunity to thank those people who have helped me in many ways, and I was happy because one of my classmates said that in behalf of the "parasites" in the class, they'd like to thank me and this other classmate for our generous sharing of our notes. Hehehe I was really happy, because I always thought they just took me for granted and never really appreciated my efforts.
After that, we had to write a letter for God and I wrote a whole page long back-to-back. ^^;; We were supposed to either bring the letter home with us or bury it in the garden. I chose to fold my letter into a paper plane and let it fly off to that place overlooking the mountains. I felt very... dramatic. LOLz
The day ended with the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Eucharistic mass (which I didn't participate since I'm not Catholic) and then we took group pictures and went home. I felt really relaxed and happy today. One of our facilitators actually asked what is "reflection" in Tagalog and no one was able to answer (cos well, we're not Tagalogs ^^;;) and she said that it's "pagmuni-muni". And then she asked what's "reflection" in our dialect and she said that it's not the same as the Tagalog term because "pagmuni-muni" in Visayan means "pag-inom inom" (= to have a drinking spree.. lolz). We thought for a while and one of my classmates answered that it's "PAGPAMALANDONG". And we were all awed cos it's one of those really heavy Visayan terms that most of us don't even know. And it's a really nice word cos it literally means "to take shade", like a farmer taking shade under a tree from the scorch of the sun and looking out at his farm to see what he has accomplished and what he has yet to accomplish. And I felt that the word perfectly describes what we did for the day because we were able to see what we have done in our lives and what still needs to be done. And most importantly, we were able to reflect on God's great love and goodness, which should always be our source of strength and renewal. (^o^)
Saturday, January 17, 2004
by: SMAP
kimi wa itsumo boku no kusuribako sa
donna fuu ni boku o iyashitekureru
warau soba kara hora sono egao
naitara yappari ne namida surunda ne
arikitari na koi douka shiteru kana
kimi o mamoru tame sono tame ni umaretekitanda
akireruhodo ni sou sa soba ni iteageru
nemutta yokogao furueru kono mune Lion Heart
You're always my medicine box
How do you heal me?
Laughing beside me, look at that smile
And when you cry, tears really do fall
What's with this ordinary love?
To protect you, that's why I was born
You'll be amazed at how I stay by your side
Your sleeping face, my heart shivers, lion heart
itsuka moshi kodomo ga umaretara
sekai de nibanme ni suki dato hanasou
kimi mo yagate kitto meguriau
kimi no mama ni deatta boku no you ni ne
misekake no koi ni uso kasaneta kako
ushinatta mono wa minna minna umeteageru
kono boku ni ai o oshietekureta nukumori
kawaranai asa wa chiisa na sono mune Angel Heart
If someday I have a child
I'll love him second best in all the world and tell him
Someday you'll meet someone
Just like I met your mother
Your past filled with the lies of false loves
I'll make up for everything, everything you lost
The warmth that taught me love
The unchanging morning is your tiny heart, angel heart
misekake no koi ni uso kasaneta kako
ushinatta mono wa minna minna umeteageru
kono boku ni ai o oshietekureta nukumori
kimi o mamoru tame sono tame ni umaretekitanda
akireruhodo ni sou sa soba ni iteageru
nemutta yokogao furueru kono mune Lion Heart
Your past filled with the lies of false loves
I'll make up for everything, everything you lost
The warmth that taught me love
To protect you, that's why I was born
You'll be amazed at how I stay by your side
Your sleeping face, my heart shivers, lion heart...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is currently my most favorite song!!! I haven't actually heard SMAP sing it YET, but I'm sure they're great!!! ^___^ The version I heard was by Tony (5566) in their S'pore Concert. He's kakkoi. And I think the song "enhanced" his kakkoi-ness. Hehehe. This song is so nice ne.... Especially the chorus part:
To protect you, that's why I was born
Hm.... very nice indeed. ^________^
Several days ago, P-chan was supposed to bring her Jap friend (yes, a 100% authentic Jap!) over to my house. But since that day was my mom's birthday and we went out for dinner, so I just had to meet P-chan and her Jap friend outside the restaurant. Ehek. ^^;; Anou ne, I was really surprised and speechless when I was introduced to Kayo-san. She was really kawaii and seemed so sweet. I actually didn't know what to say to her! //bonks self// Why is it ne that words always fail me when I need them the most!? I was, however, able to muster up the guts to do a little bow and softly say, "Yoroshiku onegai shimasu" and she sort-of smiled (so kawaii!! did i impress her!? ^o^) and said something in Jap that I didn't understand. o___O Ehehe.. ^^;;; I was also able to thank her personally for the RK manga she gave me two years ago (through my very beloved P-chan ^__^). I felt really happy to have met her. I hope next time she comes for a visit, we'll have a longer time to chat and know each other. Ne, P-chan? Sa sunod ha? ^___~
After meeting P-chan and Kayo-san, my parents decided to buy some ice cream at this convenience store. So I was getting NONSTOP Black Ice Cream for myself (YUMMmmmm!!!) and when I turned, some guy was just entering the store. Immediately I froze and when he saw me, he sort-of smiled and so I also gave him a weak smile. Then he lined up at the counter. I just stood there and was totally like, OH MY GOODNESS!!! WHAT IS MY SEMPAI DOING HERE!!??
[Just a little background to probably those who don't know: My sempai is a 4th year senior clerk and he's totally kakkoi!! ^___^ He's a scholar, is a kewl soccer player, is friendly and responsible, is this year's crowned med knight, is SINGLE AND AVAILABLE. Nyahahaha //winks// He spoke to me (and knew my name!!!) on the very first day of my med life, and has almost always smiled at me everytime we met last year. //melts// How we got to know each other is a really funny (and embarrassing) story that I don't want to relate here, but basically he was some sort of inspiration for me last year. Anou... //squirms// let's just say he was the object of my "stalking activities" last year.. nyahahahaha! ^o^]
But that was then and I am mature enough to "outgrow" my craze over him (PUH-LEASSSSSSE!!! the world is teeming with bishies, why stick to only one!? LOLz just kidding!! ^____^v). Besides, ever since their clerkship started, I hardly got to see him anymore. So he's totally out of my system now. Demo ne!!! I wasn't prepared that time to see him, in a red shirt and shorts, at that convenience store.. and I WAS HOLDING ICE CREAM!!! ^^;;; My mom then nudged me and told me to line up at the counter to pay for the stuffs we bought, and I was like, "IYADA!!!" and gave her all the Twin Popsies. ^^;;; So my mom lined up NEXT to my sempai (IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!! WaaaaaaaHHH!!) and I was standing in one corner, just 1 meter away from him (it was a small store) and praying that he'd at least look my way... //sheepish// BUT....! He didn't. Ehehek.. ^^;;; It took about 5 minutes for him to finally reach the cashier and I think he bought a cellcard and a RAZOR!!! GYAAAAaaaaa....!!! So totally M-A-N-L-Y!!!! ^_____________^ (well, unless if he uses it to shave his legs... //sweatdrops// JOODAN!!! ^___^v) And then when he turned to head for the door, he smiled at me again and I gave the same pathetic smile and a little wave. AND THEN OH MY GOODNESS HE SPOKE TO ME!!!! //faints//
Sempai: Hey, it's back to school again for you... (smiles)
Misaki: Ah... uh... yah... uh... er... (ba-ka!)
Sempai: So how is it?
Misaki: Ah.. you know.. exams and uh.. all that.. er...
Sempai: (said something that doesn't seem to register in my mind)
Misaki: (continues to stare stupidly at kakkoi sempai and continues to ramble non-sensibly x__X)
Misaki: (recovers and feels stupid) Oh..! SO! How are you? Still busy? I mean, with your duty?
Sempai: Ah yah...
Misaki: (rambles on) I mean you still have duty in the hospital right?
Sempai: Ah yah...
Misaki: (rambles on) So when will your clerkship end? Is it really that tiring!?
Sempai: Well.. maybe on March...
Misaki: (rambles on) AH..! That is so cool! You're almost a doctor! (ba-ka Misaki!! x___X)
Sempai: (makes a really cute face!!!) No.. not yet... I mean there's still PGI and the boards...
Misaki: (totally pleased at sempai's cute look) BUT!! you're almost there... RIGHT!? (laughs)
Sempai: (looks amused and sheepish at the same time)
Sempai: (realizes he's blocking the door) Well, I gotta go now. (smiles)
Misaki: Well, yah... (sheepish) Bye..!
Sempai: God bless on your exams! ^__________________^ (exits)
Ahhh.... WHAT JOY!!! hehehehe If that happened to me last year, I wouldn't have been able to sleep the whole night! //laughs// But it was enough to keep me smiling till the next day. Anou ne, I really need to be more witty!!! Argh! Where is my humor and wit when I need them the most?! Maybe contrary to the Misaki writing here who's soooooooo....... LOUD and CRAZY, the Misaki in person (believe it or not) is really a little quiet, often with an absent-minded stupid look, and has no particular concern about the events that happen around her. So it was actually quite a shock to my classmates yesterday when they told me about this "big news" that happened to one of our classmates several(?) months ago, and I told them (with my usual blank face) that I didn't know about it. They were like, "MISAKI! You're always the last to know!" And I just grinned and said, "Well, I guess I need to attach a Baron Super Antenna on my head to catch up with the news". Ehehehehe.... ^^;;; I guess it's just not my thing to talk about other people's lives since, well, it's their lives. I'm more contented just being glued to my anime or going online and searching for......
D2B >>> Dan + Big + MY Beam!
KAWeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... KAWAiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!
Look at him..!! //goo goo eyes// Isn't he just totally adorable? ^__________________^
Friday, January 09, 2004
Today was Clinics Day for us. And our patient was a 32-year old man with a liver abscess. It was really tiring to ask all those questions, and to do all those PE. And even though I wasn't the one doing the major questioning and examining, but I felt tired too as I listened and assisted my groupmates. We were done early and were waiting for our facilitator to come when one of our profs (the chairperson of that subject) entered the ward. Among all the facilitators, we fear her the most because we don't want to be under her um.. "wrath". //sheepish// (But she is a really really GOOD physician). And well, we were the first group very near the ward entrance and we were careful not to make any eye contact. But she approached us! And she chose our group! Gyaaaahhh!!! And since she's a specialist in gastrointestinal stuffs, then our case was obviously an easy one for her! WAAAAaaahhhh... //weeps//
But, thank God, everything went pretty well. ^o^ She didn't yell at us or what, and we seemed to have done OK. What was really the most freaky part was when she called one of my groupmates to do PE on the patient's abdomen and it looked like my classmate was gonna faint from the anxiety (but good thing she didn't!). She actually performed inspection, auscultation, percussion and palpation ALL BY HERSELF!!! Ehek. After we finished, she was all drained (mostly from the anxiety! ^__^).
BUT...! What happened to the cute pink-haired girl named Misaki? Well, all the time our prof was asking questions, I was standing next to her, so she couldn't easily see me and call on me. So.... that means the cute pink-haired girl was NEVER called and asked to do anything! //sheepish// + LUcKy + ehehehe But I did learn a lot this day and maybe next time it'll be my turn to be put under the test. I should prepare very well for it de-su!! ^____^
Oh my gosh.. oh my.. oh... heck, I can't speak! LOLz I feel like I have something stuck on my throat! Nyahahaha ^o^
Really. I feel happy today. Because as I was surfing the net, I saw some kewl D2B links! Weeeeeeeeee!!!! Kaweeee Kawaiiiiiii!!!! //lots of hearts to Kawee, my "Beam"// Nyahahaha ^_________^
D2B>>> Big + Dan + Beam
http://www.rs-promotion.com/music/streaming/d2b_neverend_mv01.asf :: Is a video of a very nice song. Too bad it's not so clear. But never mind desu. I wonder what's the title of this song? So kewl ne. They seem to be playing with Jap bamboo swords. //smiles//
http://www.rs-promotion.com/music/streaming/d2b_neverend01.asf :: Is the song of that video. //grins//
http://www.geocities.com/d2btrip/ :: This site is like SO KEWL! You can like, listen to ALL of D2B's songs!!! ^_____^ I don't want to leave this cafe anymore!!! Waaahhh!!! I'm gluing my butt to this chair FOREVER!!! LOLz Hmm... Thai music is quite different from the usual Jap or Korean or Chinese that I listen to. But I like!!! I like a lot!!! Waiiiii.... LOVE D2B TO PIECES!!! (even though I really don't know much about them nor I understand a word they say, but BISHIES ARE BISHIES!!! Hohoho ^o^).
(That's Thai, baby! and it means, "Kawee, I LOVE YOU!!!" LOLz!!!) ^______^
Must.Buy.PC.With.Burner.Must.Download.Or.Else.Shrivel.And.Waste.Away.
NyAhAhAhAhAhAhA. ^___________^
[disclaimer: i am not claiming these pics by the way. or these sites. they belong to their respective owners.]
Thursday, January 01, 2004
I panicked when I got online. I couldn't see my Ranma banner!! //cries a pailful//
So I tried to check what went wrong and true enough, villagephotos is now prohibiting direct linking. ARGH! //pulls hair in frustration// So I hurriedly searched for a new host for my files and I just clicked on the first site that appeared. Snapfish. Haay, thank goodness it worked. //wipes sweat off brow// I can't imagine life without my Ranma... //grins shyly//
A little problem though is that Snapfish doesn't upload gif files and so I couldn't upload the stars-animated gif that I use as divider. I really like that animated gif because it's so cute. And it matched perfectly with the new lay-out. //sigh// Anyway, so I changed it to this kawaii chibi ranma-gumi image. The color doesn't match, but I don't care. //laughs//
Anou, I really like Ranma de-su. (ISN'T IT OBVIOUS!?) ^______^
