A NEW START

The Rants:
I messed up my blog lay-out... Ehek. u__u

Anyhoo, I got this "new look", although =rolls eyes= I just changed the colors and put up a new banner. I was really annoyed because no matter how I saved it, the banner is still so pixelated! In fact, the first edited version I made of that pix had a lot more effects, demo when I saved it the color changed into a terrible hue! I was so annoyed at myself because I'm terrible at these computer stuffs. Something bad often happens when I use computers! =sigh= At least today wala nag-hang... ^^;; Anyway, I'm not completely satisfied with what I did, but it'll do for now. Maybe next time I can add some more stuffs or change everything... I don't know. We'll see.

The Title:
It took me a while to think of a title that suits how I've been feeling the past few months, and I have to thank Vic Zhou for the idea. Ehek. ^^;; I got into thinking one time, and I remembered his new song "Ji De Wo Ai Ni" (Remember I Love You) and then I remembered the song by S.H.E. called "Ji De Yao Wang Ji" (Remember To Forget). And so I asked P-chan to translate it to Jap, and so I ended up with "Wasureru Koto Wo Wasurezuni". I like the sound of it so I decided to use it.

The Design:
I wanted something sad and dark to really describe how I've been feeling. I actually didn't want to use Furuba images since for me, it's a very "positive" anime. But I couldn't find any "sad" images that I like. And then I found the Yuki wallie somewhere, and i thought that Yuki seems like a "sad" character who wants to forget his past and I guess that parallels a bit of how I feel. So I decided on the Yuki design and ta-dah! =looks at blog= Well, it really isn't really the way how I pictured it to be, but I'm so tired now I guess it'll do. =frustrated at self=

The Reasons:
So why bah did I think of changing my blog lay-out? First of all I want to emphasize that I didn't change it because I don't like Ranma anymore or that I don't like the previous lay-out anymore. Ranma is still one of my most loved bishies and I still love my old banner (at least it wasn't as pixelated as this.. u__u). Except that now, I'm not feeling genki and I don't like the title "Wings of My Heart" anymore. Looking at my previous banner sometimes reminds me of something I don't want to remember forever.

Also I wanted a change, a new start. I got my grades already and I passed all my subjects (Yey! Thank You Lord!) but I am still worried because I've been computing my grades and the average doesn't seem to add up to the grade that I'm supposed to maintain. There's a point-something difference and this point-something could mean that part of my scholarship could go bye-bye. And with my family's present financial status, I don't even want to think of what that could mean. Yes. Even though I passed all my subjects, but if I lose even a small amount from my scholarship fund, this could mean that I cannot go to school anymore this May. And the thought really sickens me, cos I don't want to give in to the possibility that I could have become a physician in the future, fulfilling my Piffle Destiny, but that I had to give that dream up because we don't have a few extra thousand pesos. I have to do something and if it means that I'll be slaving away, reading and studying my books next year with every ounce of strength that I have, then I will do it. I am willing to give up anything - yes anything, including my anime - just to keep my scholarship. I hope the Lord hears my prayers and I hope that I can get to talk with Dra. Berdon soon. Actually, I know that I didn't do really well the past year and I probably deserve this. I didn't give my all in my studies. I've always been lazy. And I forgot... forgot that my medical studies and scholarship are a blessing, a privelege, and not really something I deserve. I feel so stupid. But... I have no regrets. Because I know that all things work together for good and that there is a lesson for me in every trial that I face. I just hope that God will hear my prayers and complete what He has started in me. I just have to trust in Him and pray for a miracle. I guess if I can still go to school this May then I will have to remember to forget my ways in the past and seriously study my lessons for God's greater glory. In fact, that's what I should've been doing the past 2 years. I am God's scholar after all. I am in med school because God is gracious and good to me, and I should never ever forget that.

The other reason, and perhaps it is really the real reason, that I chose this blog concept is because for the past few months I have been feeling really sad, angry, disappointed and offended all at the same time. I guess I'm so gullible as to easily believe what others tell me, and I feel that I have been so foolish all this time. It took a while for me to actually understand and accept the pain. And now I just want to forget everything and live my life the way I used to live it. I just want to move on with my life and be a lot more independent, stronger and braver. Then bit by bit, I hope, I can learn to forgive myself and everything.

So much has been seen,
So much has been felt.
What once was important
Lost the meaning it held.

So much has been said,
So much has been heard.
What once was a promise
Became empty words.

Leave behind those memories,
Move on to what is ahead.
And don't forget to remember,
To please remember to forget.

TRAUMA

Timon: Bad things happen and you can't do anything about them, right?
Simba: Right...
Timon: WRONG! When the world turns their backs on you, you turn your back on the world...
-The Lion King

Feh. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who was offended with what has been said. Why is it that everyone is still so genki when in fact hurtful words have been spoken, self-esteems have been crushed, and hopes have been dashed...

I hate it when I am called things I am not.

FEH.

I just had my final exam in Patho (lec and lab). Feh. That's all I can say. Feh. No use crying over spilled milk. LOlz! One more exam to go nalang this Friday... Wehoohoo!

I decided to take a short break (but now it's stretching to a "long" one, hehehe) by going OL. And I suddenly had the urge to do mass invites for Friendster. Feh. LOlz I didn't actually want to join at first but some friends kept insisting so I got myself an account. And then I didn't like the feeling that I only had a few friends and so I invited some more people. Feh. Now I realize that it was kinda silly. I don't even like Friendster! Lolz!

Anyhoo, I became officially 22 y/o a few days ago although I really don't feel anything "new" or what about me. (Should I be feeling anything at all!? LOlz) The day passed just like any ordinary day, although a few friends did remember to text (so sweet de-su!) and I received 2 birthday cards and some more (pirated - but kewl) CDs. My sis got me a Josh Groban CD (I've been telling her to get me one //winks//) but I haven't played it yet since I don't want to put the people at home to sleep. Wehehehe Oh, I also received a really unexpected puresento. LOlz I don't know why, but I feel amused. Actually I've feel quite nice cos in the birthday cards I received, my friends said that I've been extra nice and helpful and thoughtful (blah blah) to them. So I think that I've been extra good last year eh? I hope I become better next year as well. //winks// Thanks to all my fwends who remembered... //mwahugglez//

I'm thinking of a new lay-out for my blog. I already got a title. I want it to look "dark" and "sad", but so far the banners I've made were all genki. Feh. Why izzit bah that I keep saying Feh.!?! LOlz

Lately I've been hooked to three animes - Maburaho (in raw jap X__x), Getbackers and Dear Boys (both in chinese). Feh. I can only watch one episode a week since that's the sked. Haay... I wish I can get a decent english subbed copy but I guess I just have to be content. We who are anime-deprived cannot be choosers, y'know. Lolz Dear Boys is totally totally sugoi! The bishie overload is just too much!! //nosebleeds// LOlz Everytime I watch it, I sit very close to the TV and I keep pulling the collar of my shirt. Eh I can't breathe eh! The bishies are too bishie-ous! They should not not be allowed to have such bishie-ful faces! LOlz LOlz Anyway.... //grins//

Hm... last night I was actually planning to blog about some really serious stuffs... but I'm feeling lazy... I don't want to think today... so I guess I ended up ranting about senseless stuffs. Oh well... Feh. ^o^

MORE PURESENTO

I feel so happy de-su (and it's not even my birthday yet! ^o^). Today, I got a parcel from sweet sweet Yukichan and when I opened it, I was like, "Oh my...! Lots of CDs!" I think it's the first time she actually sent that many CDs... //thinks// ...but then she does send me lots of CDs all the time, heheh! And she didn't label the CDs, so when I popped them on the player, I was quite stunned to see the opening clip of Ranma... and then I realized... she sent me the Ranma series! ^___^ Well, of course not all of the episodes... I think there were 12 Ranma VCDs (= 24 episodes) plus an extra Gravitation OVA + L'arc~en~ciel + SMAP vidz! WEEEeeeeee....!! //claps hands in glee// So so happy de-su! ^___^ Yukichan is always so so extra nice to me. Hontou ni arigatou, my friend. //hugz// Maybe I'll call her later... but then I'll have to practice my tagalog first. LOlz!

My mom asked me earlier if my birthday theme for this year (as if there is even such a thing! LOlz) is Ranma, what's with P-chan and Yukichan giving me Ranma goodies! ^o^ Well, maybe it's because I love Ranma soooooooooo much, and I guess, it shows? Lolz Lolz

Yesterday, I got another parcel too from my Thai penpal. When I opened it I was like, "Oh my... D2B!!!" and so I popped it into the player and went to take a seat. When the first song started, I suddenly jolted from my seat and started jumping up and down.. up and down... and squealing like a crazy fangirl, to my mother's horror. Lolz! Well, the first track just happened to be my most most favorite D2B song!!! And well, even though I don't understand a word, but I really don't care because I love it so much! ^o^ Lucky de-su! Plus the CD cover is so.... bishie-full... I mean, beautiful. LOlz Big looked so... //sigh// and Dan was so... //haay// and Kawee.... //goo-goo eyes//. ^______^

Also, she sent me a copy of the korean movie "The Classic", which I heard has been given great ratings. And so I watched it last night with my mom, and oh my.... JO IN-SUNG!!! //drools// I haven't seen much of him since the original Nonstop cast has been replaced by new actors. Anou na, Jo In-sung grew CHUBBY! LOLz! Lolz! But he's still cute. And the movie was quite long.... like, 2 hours+. But it was really really sad and really really sweet, the typical korean romance with that certain painful twist. Really love it!! I expected to cry but I actually didn't! Tsk! Prolly cause my mom was beside me, Lolz! But it was really a touchy-feely story about fate, and about how love comes to those who are meant to have it. Oh sweeeeeeeeeeettttt de-su!! ^__^

Tonikaku, I've been really happy these days and I just want to thank those who are so sweet and thoughtful enough to even care (uuuyyy, senti... LOLz). I am actually contented with a simple birthday card or text, but I guess some special people just like to go the extra mile to make me smile. So I really thank God for all these blessings and most importantly, for all the wonderful friends He has blessed me with all these years. ^___^

And... HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATHERINE! I miss yah a lot! //huggles//

BIRTHDAY PURESENTO

Today I met with P-chan because she said she wanted to give me a surprise for my bithday de-su (even though it's still weeks away, LOL). And indeed I was so surprised -- more than surprised, actually. She got me, straight from Japan, an authentic RANMA 1/2 manga!!!! Ah my gulay! My vision kinda got blurry and I think I wasn't able to speak for a split second. Well, the fact that I lost my voice this week also contributed to that.. LOL ^o^

Anyhoo, my gosh... Ranma manga!!! WEEEEeeeeee!!!! With very nice glossy cover of.. is this Akane?! WOW!! Why is she so pretty and so er... formal?! And there's even a little yummy pic of Ranma posing in the inside cover...!! (nosebleeds) Weee!!! When I go home later, I will "drool" over this. I will try to read the japanese text and go goo-goo-eyed over my Ranma.... Weeeeee!!!! ^____^

P-CHAN THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!! You are always so thoughtful... so nice to me! And I know you went through so much (grabeh jud!) to get this for me!!! My gosh, PhP1300?! LOL! I am really really very very ureshiiiiiii....!!! ^___^ And very very grateful. Sige lang, after our exams, let's go out and I'll treat you to a movie and snack and internet etc etc etc, OK?? LOL And also thank you (and your mom) for the Jerry stuffs. Lolz I am sure when I get home, my mother will take all of these from me. Nyahahaha And also thank you for the yummy snack kanina. LOL And sorry that I made you miss your exam and er, I think you were late for your class too. Ehehek. I'm sometimes quite a B.I. to you eh? LOL Iroiro, arigatou gozaimasu.
P-chan, daisuuuuuuukkkkkiiiiiiiiiii.....!!!!!! ^____^

And Ranma, wo ai ni. //huggles//