Saturday, May 22, 2004
[sings along to cafe music] I actually like this song by Aaron Carter called, "Im All About You"... wehehehe ^^;;
SO! How have I been!?! ^o^ I just wanna say that the third year in Medicine is so so so.... GAAAaahhhhh!! [pulls hair in frustration] YEzzz... FrUsTrAtInG de-su! We have so many subjects in a day, and many of the profs don't show up! Like in our daily subject Surgery, we only had one class this week! That's prolly good news at first, but then they start scheduling MAKE-UP CLASSES! x__X I heard that later on this year, we might have so many make-up classes that we'll prolly have to schedule them even on sundays! Gah! Hidoi de-su! >.<
And the profs - perhaps cos these are part-time profs and full-time clinicians - we don't seem to bond well. I don't know. Maybe it's still too early too judge. But sometimes they just rush into the room, lecture for an hour, and then rush out - and we hardly get to catch their names! [@__@] And guess what!? They love to give surprise quizzes! Waahhh!! [pulls hair in frustration again] I got 2/6 in the first OB surprise quiz. Ehek. That's what I deserve for doodling during class. ^^;;;
Lessons! Ah... all the lectures are all jumbled-up in my brain! Like in radiology, I can't seem to understand the luscencies and densities in the X-Ray films. I feel so stupid.. ^^;; So I need to read more. But how the heck can I read and study for 11 subjects!? And I feel so tired when I get home, so I tend to doze off. Last night I fell asleep on a chair again. Ah! Misakichan - The Queen of Slumber. ^____^
Anyway, I should not complain, because I chose this life. Instead, I should try harder, right? Besides, if others were able to do it, then so can I! Right? (^o^)v
One of the subjects we have now is Junior Clerkship, which is basically a preparation for our Senior Clerkship duties in the hospital next year. But for now, as junior clerks, we'll just be rotating in four departments - Medicine, Pedia, OB and Surgery - and just do history and PE on one patient per week and submit our data with our diagnosis, differential diagnoses and management plans. It's a very very VERY tedious and meticulous procedure, and my mind is all mixed up now cos I still haven't started on my report yet. In the first place, I don't know where the heck I should start because our patient has so many health problems!! And we're expected to submit and be grilled about it this Monday already. u__u
Anyway, this was what happened last Thursday on our first day as junior clerks...
So we went early to NMMC (which people here call provincial hospital) and headed for the Pedia ICU ward. Our group will be dealing with Pediatric patients for the next two months. Anyway, the patient assigned to us was a 9-month old female infant with a CNS infection. It felt very sad because she seemed so small, yet all these tubes were hooked to her and she was all rigid and couldn't move a muscle. [sad] She has stayed in the hospital for more than a month already, had three convulsive episodes, her skull is filled with CS fluid and yet she couldn't be operated upon because they don't have any money! That is one of the sad and cruel realities in this world, especially in this country. Majority of the people don't have access to the right medical services because we are struck with poverty.
Anyway, we were able to witness something else that time. In the bed adjacent to our patient's bed, a 1-month old infant suddenly seemed to be in great distress, and then two of the senior clerks, supervised by the pediatrician, hurried to give the kid CPR. I think they did that for about 15 minutes, and just looking at the procedure being done brings us so much pain. The infant looked so small and weak and vulnerable, as if his rib cage might break with every push of the senior clerk's hands. We turned away for a while to speak to our patient's mother and when we turned again to look, we saw the senior clerk cleaning the infant's butt area. I thought that the kid was saved, but then we noticed that he was no longer connected to the oxygen tank. And then, the senior clerk wrapped him with a blanket and called the morgue to take the infant away. We were so shocked to realize that the kid was already dead. I don't know, but that time I know there was sadness deep within me, yet all I felt was indifference. I guess I realized that we really couldn't do anything. That's a sad reality, because I thought we exist to save lives. But I guess sometimes we can actually be so helpless. u.u
"let me be the one to break it up so you don't have to make excuses,
we don't need to find a set-up where someone wins or someone loses,
we just have to say our love was true but has now become a lie,
so i'm telling you i love you one last time,
and goodbye..."
It is actually not my story to tell. But I talked with a friend a few days ago, and she shared to me a "sweet" yet "sad" story. Sweet, because it's only sometimes that one can find a person who can appreciate us, see the good in us, and maybe, even love us for who we are. Yet sad, because we realized that these kinds of persons, no matter how special they are to us, will never become that "special someone" for us. There are circumstances and events in our lives that we have no control over, and there are pains in the past that can't be healed as easily as we want them to be. And so we let these people go, hoping perhaps that they would insist on staying. Yet... they leave. And then we realized an even greater sadness - that these people who were special to us, might not have seen and loved us for who we truly are, as we'd like to believe. That perhaps, they only saw something in us, but they never saw us completely. I like to call these kinds of people as "passerbys" - people who just pass by our lives.
It is not my story to tell, but I know how it feels.
Monday, May 10, 2004
Today is May 10, 2004 - the 23rd wedding anniversary of my parents! Omedetou!! ^___^
Anyway, Hya-chan has texted me the other day and told me that she will be bringing my copy of Beautiful Days and Summer Scent this week. I am so excited! I was hoping that she was able to buy All In for me too but I guess Hya-chan was a little confused, cos she bought it for herself. Hehehe Anyway, she said I can burn from her copy so that's cool. Hya-chan really made good use of her Manila trip and bought a lot of titles for herself - Lavender, Love Storm, Winter Sonata, All In, Attic Cat, and Hana Yori Dango. ^o^ Ureshii... me wanna just borrow and burn... ^_______^
Hya-chan is hooked to chinese/korean tv dramas (and now starting to have an interest on animes ^o^), I guess many thanks to ME. hahaha When she texted me, we got into a brief discussion about Lee Byung Hun, and apparently, Hya-chan is as obsessed over him as I am. ^o^ So I'm really excited to see her this wednesday so that we can just rant and talk like fan girls. hehehe She's currently watching her All In VCDs now, and she texted me to say that Lee Byung Hun, besides looking extremely yummy, actually exposed his BUTT! LOLz! LOLz! When I learned that, I immediately got my VHS tapes of All In and immediately watched it! Hehehe It's really nice - with Lee Byung Hun acting so tough-y and cool - BUTT.. I mean, but (hehehe) I still like Beautiful Days more. ^o^ I really can't believe that Lee Byung Hun and Song Hye Gyo are a couple in real life. Tsk. Someone who's as chokakkoi as Lee Byung Hun is already attached, and to a very beautiful woman! [sigh] How can something so "picture perfect" actually exist? Anyway, based on my past few weeks of "byunghunism", I am able to conclude that Lee Byung Hun is a damn good kisser. LOLz! LOlz! I haven't exactly kissed him, but I can just feel and know that he is. ^o^
Anyway, I really like the term "All In". It's a term used when gamblers put everything they've got on stake, risking their all for the ultimate prize. And starting this wednesday, I want to develop that kind of attitude as well. You see, I'm going back to school already, and I will be in third year. I have 11 subjects, and med life is never easy. But this time, I want to be really really serious. If this is God's will for me, then I want to seriously face the tests. I want to do well in school. I want to really learn my lessons. I want to be deserving of my scholarship. And I never want to feel the anxiousness I felt when I thought I couldn't go to school anymore because I almost lost my scholarship. I don't want anything like that to happen anymore. From now on, I will have to put everything I got in my studies. Cos this is really the most important thing for me and for my family.
Wish me luck... ^o^
Thursday, May 06, 2004
P-chan and I took this Love Hina personality test. And I am...
You're responsible, sweet, gentle and lovable! You have a loving heart, a great respect for all creatures (human, great and small), and the ability to see the thing that makes each individual special. However, you tend to overlook the things that make you special, and thus, putting you in a position to be pushed around by others. Take some time everyday to reflect on your qualities, and see that you don't have to please everyone and still be loved for who you are. Which Love Hina Girl Are You?
Hah! Really desu ka? ^o^ I was actually hoping I was Kaolla Suuuuuuuuuu!!! Nyahahaha ^o^
:: with gackt camui ::
Yesterday, I taped BoA's Live 2004 -Love and Honesty- concert in WOWOW. I had fun watching it, since BoA is really so full of pep and talent. And the fact that she is korean but can speak fluent jap really impresses me, although I think I really shouldn't be impressed. hehe ^o^ Later that night, my mom and I watched a K-movie with jap subs in the same channel. I don't know the title but it was a korean wuxia love story, and the main guy I think was the one who played Wonbin's bro in Guns and Talks. Anyway, I didn't understand much of their conversations, but I enjoyed it a lot. I even tried translating it to my mom, but of course, most of the time I was bluffing. ^o^
After the movie, my mom kept switching channels to find other nice movies. But it was already around 1am and so she was feeling sleepy already. Then she switched back to WOWOW and my jaw dropped. Gackt's Crescent concert de-su! The same concert I saw last year and taped for Yukichan! When I watched it last year, I didn't know Gackt at all. But this time it's different cos I really really like Gackt now! So I hurried to tape it! I was still able to get the parts when he played the piano then guitar (chokakkoi!), when he cried(?) as they rolled in a cake and sang a birthday song for him, and till the last part where he did that little reenactment of Moonchild with some of the other casts (LeeHom pawa!! ^o^). I was filled with Moonchild memories and wished that I can hopefully watch it again. It was soooooooooo great! Even though it was a re-run already, but I was very overwhelmed. I felt so happy. ^o^ It's just too bad that I missed around 20-30 minutes of the first part, cos I think that was when he sang Last Song. Zannen de-su! >.<
It was already past 3:30 am when the concert ended and then I checked my VHS tapes before planning to go to bed. When I switched back to WOWOW, I froze at the sight of .... Haido and Gackto. MOONCHILD desu!!! Oh for goodness sake, why do they re-run bishie movies at 4 in the morning!?! I actually saw and taped it when WOWOW first aired it, but I gave the tape to Yukichan already because I knew she'd love it. So I hurried to my room and started rummaging through my VHS tapes to get a recyclable tape but.... NOTHING! I don't have tape anymore!!! GYAAAAAAAaaa!! I really just wanted to scream and pull my hair. Anyway, I went back to the TV feeling so defeated. I looked at Haido's face... looked at the clock... looked at Gackto's face... looked at the clock... looked at Haido and Gackto... imagined how furious my Father will be if I don't go to sleep already... looked at Gackto and Haido... and painfully... switched off the TV. Darn it. Moonchild desu.... and I wasn't able to tape it for myself. [weeps]
The other night was another eventful night for me. It was around 11pm when I switched to WOWOW and saw a K-movie that made my heart race. I had a feeling I know what movie it was, but I wasn't sure till I saw LEE BYUNG HUN!!! JSA de-su!!! [JSA = Joint Security Area] I was so excited that I called my mom to watch it with me. And although she was delighted at the mere sight of Lee Byunghun, but since it was subbed in jap, my mother decided to just sleep already and just wait for me to get my VCD copy (maybe within this month! ^o^). But I was too excited so I watched it. They talked a lot, so I had to really rack my brains and try to make sense of the kanji and hiragana subs (which made little sense to me u__u). But I saw and felt that it was definitely one heck of a great movie! Lee Byunghun's acting is so wonderful! He's really such a versatile actor! And since it was in the original language, so for the first time I got to hear his voice.... CHOKAKKKOOOIIII...!!! LOLz! LOLz! I really like JSA. It seems to have a heavy message about friendship, values, loyalty, and others. No wonder it is a box office hit! I really can't wait for my own copy! ^o^
After the movie, which left quite an impression on me (I won't tell the ending! ^o^), I switched to one of the chinese channels and GYAAAAAaaaaaa!!! ALL IN de-su! ^o^ Even though I have taped it and have placed a VCD order for it, but I've never really watched the whole series. And I didn't know... that Lee Byunghun... erm... wearing a sleeveless top... [squirms] looks really yummy.... Nyahahaha ^o^ I wanted to poke the TV to see if those pectoralis muscles were for real. LOlz! Anyhoo, I think it's really a great series, what's with Lee Byunghun playing aside his real life girlfriend Song Hye Gyo. So I'm excited to get my VCD copy too. I just hope my friend was able to buy it. [sighs -no more money de-su- T_T]
After that, I switched again to Arirang and was just in time to catch Showbiz Extra. And guess who they featured? LEE BYUNGHUN!!! Nyahahaha ^o^ He and Choi Jiwoo were shooting a korean tourism ad showing romantic tourist spots in their country. And I really love it because I really like Lee Byunghun x Choi Jiwoo (even though they are not a couple in real life T_T). The ad was so sweet de-su! Choi Jiwoo was so pretty and Lee Byunghun (GYAAAAaaahhh!!! ^o^) to die for!! LOLz LOLz Lee Byunghun had to carry Choi Jiwoo on his back and they were acting so sweet and loving... So envious ne... [sighs ^o^] Anyway, Lee Byunghun and Choi Jiwoo have an upcoming movie called Everyone Has A Secret and it was reported that Choi Jiwoo will have her first "bed scene" here since her debut. Ehek? With Lee Byunghun!? Oh my goodness! [covers eyes] I must buy that movie too! Me wanna see... Nyahahaha (^o^)v
[note to readers: I AM NOT AT ALL ECCHI!!! ^^;;;]
Anyway, this morning, there was a rerun of Showbiz Extra so I was fortunate to be able to tape that clip. Sugeeeeeee!!! I really love it! ^o^
Anyhoo, the reason that I'm so glued to the TV set now is because I am feeling so desperate already! Actually, I just finished enrolling today and classes will start next week already. Oh the pain! Back to the usual 'crazy', 'exhausting', 'unexciting' med life. [grumble... grumble...] But anyway, I still have around 5 days left so I'd better make good use of it... like for instance, maybe, study already? Ehek.. [sweatdrops] Anyway, I made another long ranting-fangirl entry again, but I feel relieved to finally get that off my system. ^o^ Now, I have to run. Cos my friends are waiting and I'm like an hour+ late already! Yikes!
Saturday, May 01, 2004
tsukareta ne.... //stretches arms//
I just finished putting images up in P-chan's blog. It's Kaori Mochida-inspired! ^___^ I enjoyed making it because I like ELT as well so it was fun searching for pix and editing them. I tried to make the lay-out as simple as possible -- well, I don't know how to make them complicated, anyway! LOlz The images are a little blurry though. Ehek. I'm not really good at doing stuffs with the PC but I try my best anyway. So I hope P-chan will like it. (And I hope she likes the title and description I made for her blog although it makes her sound like a mushy person.. hehehe).
Anyhoo, GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! Well, for me anyway! LOlz Our TV got fixed already yesterday. And in the process, the color is back to normal too! Not the annoying pink color that we had to put up with the past few months. A piece of thingamajig inside the TV called the "power regulator" got busted so we had to buy a new one. Good thing it was relatively cheap. ^o^ So it's really good cos now we can watch cable and VCDs again, as well as play FF9 - in full color!! LOLz I feel so happy. I guess you can only truly appreciate some things when you've experienced losing them, hehehe
I've been trying out my new Jpop CDs and so far, all of them are great! I really like Onitsuka Chihiro's voice - it's so clear and refreshing. ^__^ Laruku's SMILE album didn't impress me much at first, but after listening to it for a couple of times, I guess I got the hang of it. I really like their song Feeling Fine cos it makes me feel good. It feels like taking a ride in a convertible with the top down and feeling the breeze in your face... y'know, that kind of feeling. Although, well, I 've never ridden in a convertible before. Ehehe.. ^^;; I wonder what the song means.... //searches for lyrics// Ehek. It's not a "feel-good" song pala...
nemurenai yoru ni ha kimi no maboroshi ga...
She said, 'Loving you made me happy everyday'
ano koro to onaji sa mujyaki na kao de hanashi kakenai de
(Are you feeling fine?
on sleepless nights, visions of you...
She said, 'Loving you made me happy everyday'
don't talk to me, with a face as innocent as it was back then)
Hahaha.. I thought it's a wholesome love song. I guess that's too much to expect from Laruku? LOLz Anywee, here's a cute .gif from their Ready Steady Go PV...
I also TRIED watching the Malice Mizer Merveilles concert. The opening was freaky and then out comes Gackto with this crazy hair and very heavy make-up, clad in a leather outfit with fishnet sleeves and skimpy leather SHORTS. Yes, skimpy leather SHORTS! //wit-weew!!!// LOLz Then they started singing (er, screaming?) and then started bashing their guitars and stuffs. ^^;; And then, after two songs, they started doing this sort of "ritual". x___X I turned the TV off when I saw that. I really like Gackto's voice, but I couldn't take the images. They were too dark and freaky, that I felt like God will rain judgement down on me for feeding my brain with such things. I guess J-rock is really not for me. //sheepish// I'm more like a "wholesome" type.. y'know, Morning Musume and the like. LOLz!
About Beautiful Days, I finished it already, and I really really like it a lot!! ^____^ Lee Byunghun was super-sweet and it was choooooooKILIG even until the last episodes! I kept thinking about it and replaying my favorite Lee Byunghun and Choi Jiwoo scenes until I realized that my "light-headedness" was preventing me from doing things I am supposed to do. ^^;;; So I returned the VCDs back to the box na. Anyway, I already placed an order for my own copy so I'll get to watch it again next time, hopefully with the korean language so that I can hear how Lee Byunghun sounds like. I have a feeling that he sounds kakkoi. LOLz ^__^ The Taiwanese dubbing was good though. I really like most Taiwanese dubbings, even in animes. ^o^
Um.. that's all. >.<
