Yesterday, I had a realization. When I woke up, I read a message from my friend who said that sadly he has become a cynic. I felt sad desu. I guess in some way I am bad influence to him, cos I kept telling him I am a cynic instead of being more positive. Then perhaps he would've been more encouraged. *sad*
And so, I decided that I am going to start to change my perspective. *smiles* It really wasn't just because of that text message. Perhaps it's because I've recently confronted many issues in my life that I used to just stash away at the back of my brain. Perhaps, it's because about two weeks ago, I decided to change myself (and so why not change some of my principles in life, ne? *winks*) Perhaps, it's because I've been reading this book called, "When God Writes Your Love Story", and although the teachings in the book coincide with what I've always believed in, yet to read it in print makes it so much real and meaningful to me. *smiles*
I am a cynic. But it's about time to change that. (Some people may be a bit shocked to read this, ne? *grins*) One thing I'm learning is that just plainly moving on in life just to get rid of your past is not good desu. In fact, that's perhaps the reason why I became a cynic in the first place. To get rid of the pain, I just concentrated on moving on with my life, and just forget the hurtful past. I must admit, I underwent a stage in life where I was so bitter and grudgeful, you probabaly wouldn't believe it's the same cheerful me today. But past is past. I moved on. But you see, wounds leave scars. And I'm realizing, scars of the past make the most damage. I stopped believing, and stopped trusting. I ignored many of the important aspects in life, just so I won't become vulnerable to pain. I tried to make myself strong, but deep down, I'm really feeble. I just try to act like I'm strong. I am not.
Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." This is presently my motto in life. If I believe, then I can be. If I'm not afraid, I can achieve anything I want. So from now on, I will start to be more positive and be truly stronger IN ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE. *smiles* After all, by doing so, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, ne? But I will have to take it step by step. As I told myself last night before I went to sleep, "Let me move on and heal my own wounds." It's really quite funny to hear myself saying that. In fact, now that I think of it, it's really funny that I'm writing this now. So I think I'll just go now, before I start rambling of things that wouldn't make much sense anymore. ^_______^
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