Today has got to be one of the most miserable days in my life. *very sad face*
I don't know how (and I don't want) to elaborate on what happened today. But I feel like something within me died. Whenever my brain starts reeling, tears would flow out my eyes. And I'd get all choked up. It's hurting me like crazy. The images recur in the back of my brain. The hurt I felt in THEM is killing me.
I just wish THEY'D fix THEIR problem. It's very sad that our vacation turned this bad. And until THEY make peace, I don't think I would feel peace within me. Because even though it's not my fault, in some way I blame myself. Because I was the one who suggested this vacation. Because I was the one who insisted that SHE go with us. (I hate it when there are problems, because I always find a reason to blame myself. Why am I so hard on myself??)
Because of what happened today, I realized so many things about me. Like when I have problems deep within me, I would just cry and cry and the tears won't stop. My face would become all blotchy, and people will start staring, but the tears won't stop. And then I'd become awfully quiet -- in fact, too quiet that it makes the people around me nervous and worried. And no matter how strongly I insist that I believe in the "Mind Over Heart" principle, I guess sometimes, even that fails me. Cos I guess, when I get too emotional, reason is lost and the heart prevails.
I hate it when I'm weak.
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