Two days ago, I received a really nice surprise puresento, and I really like it. But I remember a friend, and imagine how she'll be extra-happy if she gets it for her birthday (she will probably faint or something *grins*). I am still hesitant, but I have decided that I will give it to her. She means more to me than the puresento, even though I also like it.
So that got me into thinking of how far am I willing to go for the people I care for. I've always believed that God created me to make others happy, and that if I can make a single person smile, if I can cheer someone up when he/she is down, then my life is not wasted. To make others happy makes me happy as well. It is their happiness that defines part of my happiness. Hm.. I wonder if that's right. One is supposed to hold happiness in his/her own hand, and not let others define it for them.
A 'bad' thing about me is that I cling on to people and things that matter much to me. Perhaps it's because of that drive to please them that makes me hold on to them. And well, that really isn't good because you can't hold on to something that is not yours. I'm thinking that perhaps the reason I lost some friends before (good thing some of them still remained as my friends) is because I expect too much from them. Just because they matter much to me, just because I am willing to please them, doesn't mean that they feel the same for me. I once asked if there is such a thing as "unrequited friendship". Isn't it that friendship involves two people? But then you can also treat others (e.g. your enemies) as your friends even though they don't care for you, so isn't that a form of "unrequited friendship"? I don't know de-su. I was never able to answer that question.
Recently, I met a friend from the past. And as we were talking, I thought that maybe if things could have turned out differently, I would have held on to that special bond of friendship. But well, things happen for a reason and we can never undo what has been done. And well, as I've always told myself, "You can't lose what you never had".
I'm speaking in cryptic words. LOLz Actually I don't like to talk about these things anymore. They often bring with them skeletons from the past. But my Psychiatry Prof said it's good to verbalize how you feel, and so here I am verbalizing. Lolz At least I can free my mind of something, even though it doesn't make much sense at all. >.<
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