I wasn't planning on going online today. But I need to kill time before I will meet P-chan, so I might as well visit some blogs and my boards.
Know what, I feel a really bad feeling within me. It's like my heart was replaced by something heavy, my insides are being squished and something is lodged in my trachea that is preventing me from breathing. I hope it will go away later. *sad*
Classes start tomorrow. I feel so unprepared. What have I done during the break!? I wasted so much time sleeping... *sigh* But at least this week is PBL Week, so we will have more free time for independent study. And maybe, I can sneak out and watch Matrix Revolutions. LOLz I'm quite excited to watch it! ^___^
Last night I finally finished the letter I have promised MianChuishi-chan since er, May? It was sooooooooo long -- 47 pages. I wrote it for ~12 hours, I think... *counts* Yah, 6 hours per night for 2 nights. I think I should be ashamed for 2 reasons:
1.Because the reply is late, and
2.Because I am forcing her to read 47 pages of my terrible handwriting.
*laughs* But I feel so good. At least I have accomplished what I have set out to do and have kept my word. ^__^
Yesterday, I realized something important about our responsibilty as stewards of money. I was able to witness very unwise use of money, and suddenly the meaning behind the "The Parable of the Talents" came into my mind. Tsk. Such a waste. It really made me angry.
Anyway, oh yah.. Now I remember why I feel this way. I feel like such a useless entity in this world. The year is coming to an end, and I really haven't done much for God. What have I done within the year that God can be very proud of? *couldn't think of anything* There is also this something that keeps confusing me, and making me extremely sad. I am really not that happy with myself right now. I wanna shut myself from everyone else. I feel so un-me. *sad*
But at least now I have arranged a new system for my quiet time, and I'm going to improve my prayer habits. I really don't care anymore if everyone and everything else fails me. I just know that God won't.
No comments:
Post a Comment