The Rants:
I messed up my blog lay-out... Ehek. u__u
Anyhoo, I got this "new look", although =rolls eyes= I just changed the colors and put up a new banner. I was really annoyed because no matter how I saved it, the banner is still so pixelated! In fact, the first edited version I made of that pix had a lot more effects, demo when I saved it the color changed into a terrible hue! I was so annoyed at myself because I'm terrible at these computer stuffs. Something bad often happens when I use computers! =sigh= At least today wala nag-hang... ^^;; Anyway, I'm not completely satisfied with what I did, but it'll do for now. Maybe next time I can add some more stuffs or change everything... I don't know. We'll see.
The Title:
It took me a while to think of a title that suits how I've been feeling the past few months, and I have to thank Vic Zhou for the idea. Ehek. ^^;; I got into thinking one time, and I remembered his new song "Ji De Wo Ai Ni" (Remember I Love You) and then I remembered the song by S.H.E. called "Ji De Yao Wang Ji" (Remember To Forget). And so I asked P-chan to translate it to Jap, and so I ended up with "Wasureru Koto Wo Wasurezuni". I like the sound of it so I decided to use it.
The Design:
I wanted something sad and dark to really describe how I've been feeling. I actually didn't want to use Furuba images since for me, it's a very "positive" anime. But I couldn't find any "sad" images that I like. And then I found the Yuki wallie somewhere, and i thought that Yuki seems like a "sad" character who wants to forget his past and I guess that parallels a bit of how I feel. So I decided on the Yuki design and ta-dah! =looks at blog= Well, it really isn't really the way how I pictured it to be, but I'm so tired now I guess it'll do. =frustrated at self=
The Reasons:
So why bah did I think of changing my blog lay-out? First of all I want to emphasize that I didn't change it because I don't like Ranma anymore or that I don't like the previous lay-out anymore. Ranma is still one of my most loved bishies and I still love my old banner (at least it wasn't as pixelated as this.. u__u). Except that now, I'm not feeling genki and I don't like the title "Wings of My Heart" anymore. Looking at my previous banner sometimes reminds me of something I don't want to remember forever.
Also I wanted a change, a new start. I got my grades already and I passed all my subjects (Yey! Thank You Lord!) but I am still worried because I've been computing my grades and the average doesn't seem to add up to the grade that I'm supposed to maintain. There's a point-something difference and this point-something could mean that part of my scholarship could go bye-bye. And with my family's present financial status, I don't even want to think of what that could mean. Yes. Even though I passed all my subjects, but if I lose even a small amount from my scholarship fund, this could mean that I cannot go to school anymore this May. And the thought really sickens me, cos I don't want to give in to the possibility that I could have become a physician in the future, fulfilling my Piffle Destiny, but that I had to give that dream up because we don't have a few extra thousand pesos. I have to do something and if it means that I'll be slaving away, reading and studying my books next year with every ounce of strength that I have, then I will do it. I am willing to give up anything - yes anything, including my anime - just to keep my scholarship. I hope the Lord hears my prayers and I hope that I can get to talk with Dra. Berdon soon. Actually, I know that I didn't do really well the past year and I probably deserve this. I didn't give my all in my studies. I've always been lazy. And I forgot... forgot that my medical studies and scholarship are a blessing, a privelege, and not really something I deserve. I feel so stupid. But... I have no regrets. Because I know that all things work together for good and that there is a lesson for me in every trial that I face. I just hope that God will hear my prayers and complete what He has started in me. I just have to trust in Him and pray for a miracle. I guess if I can still go to school this May then I will have to remember to forget my ways in the past and seriously study my lessons for God's greater glory. In fact, that's what I should've been doing the past 2 years. I am God's scholar after all. I am in med school because God is gracious and good to me, and I should never ever forget that.
The other reason, and perhaps it is really the real reason, that I chose this blog concept is because for the past few months I have been feeling really sad, angry, disappointed and offended all at the same time. I guess I'm so gullible as to easily believe what others tell me, and I feel that I have been so foolish all this time. It took a while for me to actually understand and accept the pain. And now I just want to forget everything and live my life the way I used to live it. I just want to move on with my life and be a lot more independent, stronger and braver. Then bit by bit, I hope, I can learn to forgive myself and everything.
So much has been seen,
So much has been felt.
What once was important
Lost the meaning it held.
So much has been said,
So much has been heard.
What once was a promise
Became empty words.
Leave behind those memories,
Move on to what is ahead.
And don't forget to remember,
To please remember to forget.
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