I think it was the very first day in med school, when Doc Berdon handed out those scholarship certificates and referring to three students (including me), she said, "To those who have been given much, much is also expected from you..". When I entered med school, I actually had that in mind. Perhaps, the stress and pressure really got to me, because after 3 years, I gradually forgot about my goals.
I am very sad that I got a (slight) cut from my scholarship. It really isn't much, compared to the VERY BIG help that has been given to me the past 6 years by the scholarship foundation, but still I feel... how should I say it, "sayang bah"! T__T It's my last year after all. It would've been nice if I actually breezed through med school without paying for anything, or at least, without having to pay for tuition fees. But anyway... //deep sigh// I deserve the cut anyway. I think I didn't do my best. I think I didn't make enough sacrifices. And most importantly, I didn't pray hard enough. I know I deserve it. I'm really quite a goofball, ne? x__X
I was really afraid to tell my family about it, because I know they will be extremely disappointed. For some reason, my relatives actually look up to me.. (when in fact, there is nothing to look up to. LOL ^^;;) So last week, I was really under a lot of emotional stress, because I had to report this "bad" news to my uncle, at the same time inform him that I need new uniforms, etc. I couldn't concentrate at all, couldn't even finish P-chan's movies. I really expected a good "scolding". So when I called him up, I was really ashamed to even speak. Demo ne, he wasn't even angry. He spoke really gently, and said he'll continue to give full support for my studies. He gave me lots of advices for my clerkship, and it seemed like everyone else is happy that I'm already a senior clerk. I was very surprised, and even more embarrassed. I wish my uncle got angry and scolded me instead. I would've felt better if he did. But he didn't. Anyway, I am just happy now that everything's OK and I have calmed my fears and worries - or at least part of it anyway, since I'm still so freaked out at the thought of starting clerkship next week. But I feel a lot better now, and I also finished enrolling.
Tonikaku, I promise to do really well this year. I know that it's something that I always say, but I really mean it.
No comments:
Post a Comment