[BGM : Sakamoto Maaya – Yubiwa (played to the nth time)]
I must really have delayed emotional responses. Sometimes it takes a while -- yes, from hours to even days -- for a few things to sink in.
I don’t even know if I should write about this. But then I think if I don’t get this load off my chest, I might not be able to write about the anicon.
It obviously disturbed me that time, but I didn’t know that it would affect me until today. The thought keeps playing on my mind, no matter how I try not to think about it. I would remember it upon waking up, while I eat, while talking to a patient, while buying my groceries, until I go back to the dorm and finally fall asleep while still mulling over it. It’s pathetic really. And it makes me hate myself for being this pathetic, for making such a big fuss over a small(?) thing, for becoming all melodramatic, for breaking down and becoming weak, for not being able to stop the tears. Pathetic, really. And I hate it. It makes me hate myself...
I probably wouldn’t react this way if it weren’t someone I like and think so highly of who said it. It was like getting slapped really hard on the face, only I would’ve probably preferred the latter. At least physical pain will eventually go away.
I’m sorry. I will not cry anymore. And I promise I will forget. I have to forget...
Next blog entry will be about the anicon. Please look forward to it. (^o^)v
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