A Piffle Princess Story

BEING PATIENT TO PATIENTS

I always joke that the reason I am a doctor is because I don't want to be patient. Actually that's not true, because I am often a gentle-mannered, polite, and easy-going person in almost all aspects of my life. Most of the time you won't see me get angry, or lash out against another person, or make sarcastic or mean remarks right in front of the person concerned. (Although I do have a loud and beefy voice which is often mistaken as an "annoyed" tone, and I can be honest to you about certain things, and I really don't want to tell you about stuffs suoh12 and I talk about in private regarding certain people -- BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY MY POINT HERE. XD) But most often than not, I'm really just your nice and friendly and accommodating neighborhood person. So getting me really angry early in the morning is totally stretching it to the limits. Which was what happened today.

I admitted a case of blunt trauma secondary to a vehicular crash at around 3AM today. The driver-turned-patient was drunk, and I had to bit my tongue to keep myself from saying that his foolishness and recklessness just made me lose much-needed sleep. I assessed him and managed him as a professional physician should do, even calling up the rad tech to do STAT Xrays. And even without presenting any insurance or deposits, we even started antibiotics on him. I was so busy with him that it was almost 530AM when I finally got to go back to my room. But not before I talked with his mother and explained his condition to the best of my ability, and reassured her that come morning, we will suture his wound and he will be seen by his attending surgeon who was already informed of this admission.

So imagine my confusion, and annoyance, when I was awakened after an hour by our nurse, who tells me that this certain patient's watcher (a sister who just arrived that morning) is making a scene in front of the nurses' station demanding to see a doctor and see something done to her brother. I immediately went down to see what was the problem, and introduced myself politely to this lady (whom I just saw for the first time). To my (groggy) surprise, she started b*tching about how we didn't do anything to her patient, and accused us of prioritizing money matters over the saving of a life. I rebutted her every allegation, because I know these weren't true at all. But she proceeded on raging and even speaking in english, and I also retorted back in english. I was reassuring her that her brother was being monitored properly and that his condition was stable. But I was also already subtly adding sarcasm to my remarks, and I had raised my voice a bit just to show her who's the authority here. She still b*tched till the very end, and said that I'd better be sure of what I was telling her. I turned away in annoyance because I didn't want to talk to someone who didn't want to listen to me anyway.

I went back to my room and noticed that my hands were shaking. I've never been good at confronting people or getting mad at them, and it always shows. My hands always shake and my speech is often all jumbled up. Most often I end up saying the wrong and lame things, and the words don't really sound quite right. Even my "angry tone" just doesn't sound at all convincing. Sometimes I also get tears in my eyes, which I always hate. I always seem to cry whenever I'm ovewhelmed with emotions. It's really quite embarrassing and inappropriate. Good thing I didn't cry in front of that lady. I know what I said to her and what I did to her patient were right, and what she said was plain ridiculous and her haughty attitude totally unnecessary. Deep down my conscience was clean. Yet I still couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty because of our exchange of conversation. I really don't like getting into these kinds of things. Couldn't we just have talked normally and peacefully and professionally instead?

The patient was eventually seen by his attending surgeon. His condition was stable all throughout this morning. His lacerated wound was sutured and a cranial CT scan (negative findings!) done. But all the while his sister still kept her b*tchy attitude, tormenting a lot of our hospital staff with her english words (except our Chief Nurse, whose glare alone can make you simply shut up).

Later in the afternoon however, a chest tube was inserted into his right lung, and that's when our surgeon noted he still seemed to be in a lot of pain. So he did a diagnostic peritoneal lavage and noted that the patient was bleeding inside his abdomen. So we immediately scheduled for an emergency explore lap, and guess who was called up to scrub in as surgical assistant? Lucky Me. It wasn't as toxic as it appeared though, and in no time the operation was done, and the patient was stable all throughout this ordeal (and hopefully until he gets discharged).

The events this afternoon made me think twice again about my attitude today. I do not claim to be a superior doctor nor to be a very knowledgeable one. I know I am lacking in many aspects and that I need to try harder. And everyday I always keep praying that God won't let me have patients that I do not have the ability to handle or manage, and somehow I get through every working day of my life learning through my experiences, through my peers, through my mentors. Although I swear to God that I managed that patient well, I still can't help but re-think about my attitude towards my patient and towards his sister, especially after I reassured her that her brother's condition was stable, yet he was still wheeled into the OR in the afternoon. Perhaps I was too haughty and overconfident? Perhaps I was too irritable and careless? I really don't know...

I know I am not perfect, but I do want to become a really good and holistic doctor. And I can only do so if I depend on the guidance of the Ultimate Healer and try harder in everything. I need to continue to pray to God for a heart of humility and compassion, and the attitude to be more patient to my patients (and their b*tchy sisters).