NEED A LIFT?

So after more than 17 days, we finally return home from the hospital. I am too tired and too depressed right now to write about it, so I'll leave that for some other day. When we arrived around 4pm, the house felt stuffy, and dusty and neglected. I went to my room and the first thing I did was to lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling for quite a long time. Then I stood up, got my wallet and bag, and left the house.

With all the thoughts occupying my mind and the mix of negative emotions I was experiencing, I just didn't want to be where I was. I needed to get out.

So I went to National Bookstore in Cogon hoping to find some solace among books on sale. When that failed to give me a peace of mind, I took a taxi to SM. Never mind that it's quite far and that there's really nothing I need from there. I just wanted to go far away.

It turned out that SM was having a sale, and with all the people rushing about, it didn't help my mood at all. Rummaged through stuffs in National Bookstore and Booksale, but didn't really find anything I want to buy. Since it was getting late, I thought of getting something to eat. But all the shops were packed with diners, and truthfully, I really didn't feel like eating. So, still in a trance, I found myself in Dunkin Donuts, and ended up buying half a dozen of donuts (still unopened even til now). And while I tastelessly munched on a Bunwich, I looked up and saw this poster, and I couldn't help but snicker as to how timely and appropriate the words were speaking to me. 

There are times in one's life when everything just seems to be going downhill. And I guess it's my turn to experience something like that right now.

Someday, I hope to look back on this and laugh about it and give myself an encouraging pat on the back and say, "Good job on overcoming all that!" But right now, let me just wallow in self-pity and drown in my tears. Let me just vent out my frustrations, complain and be selfish, and rant and rage in anger. I promise, come tomorrow, I will be OK. 

But for now, just let me be.

LIFE-CHANGING

So I was riding the jeepney home with my earphones on and blaring at the highest volume.

As I was nearing my stop, I took off my earphones, and then promptly heard the intro of a familiar song playing from the radio...

And the first thing that popped into my mind was: 

"Wow. If there was one song on earth that I would consider as life-changing, this would probably be it." 

My being a doctor. My college degree. My otaku lifestyle. My occasional anti-social behavior. 

My emotional defense mechanisms. My approach to my relationships. My cynical and eccentric moments.

Yeah. All of these and more.

Blame this Aaron Carter song.

I think it's funny, but then I'm not really laughing.

SPACE BAR WOES

My laptop has always been sitting on my table, and hence has attracted some dust. I was feeling quite diligent the other day, and so I cleaned up the keyboards with a brush. Then I covered it with a keyboard protector which I got from some pharma company.

Now just a few minutes ago, I was happily watching some videos on my laptop, and when I kinda moved the protector, I saw THIS!!!

The print in the protector transferred into my space bar!!!! （　ﾟ Дﾟ）

I don't know. It must be the heat of my room. I want to be pissed, but ironically, I am amused. (；一_一)

Can anyone suggest something to remove this? I am afraid to try random stuffs cos I might further damage my keyboard. *hahay*

δυσθυμία

Somehow, nothing just seems to be going well, or right.

Work has been wonderful, until I found out that I was oblivious to the fact that I was already actually in a very nasty spotlight. Now I just want to quit my job. Everything now seems like a lie. Everyone's a fake. There is no one to trust.

Should such a thing happen, then I don't know what's my next step in life.

In fact, I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. In ALL aspects of my life. Be it with my career, with my love life, with my family and friends, with my hobbies...

I don't know what the future has for me. I cannot envision anything. I am desperately trying to hold on to the belief that God holds my future. But all I see now is NOTHINGNESS.

I have no idea what to do with my gadzillions of books, animes, dramas, files, and stuffs. Things just pile up, and I allow them to pile up. Yet they are all cluttered and in disarray. Hoarding seems to be a way out, yet it also keeps me in. How ironic.

Went out today looking for three books. Didn't find a single one of them. Those books were lying around for weeks and nobody buys them. Just when I decide to buy them, they disappear from the shelves. Just... GREAT.

Was playing a game that I totally enjoyed, and thought that perhaps, it was something I'm good at. Then system crashed and data file was corrupted. Lost all 50++ hours worth of gaming. What a waste of time and effort. I am such a loser.

I guess I've always been a loser, in many ways. Never the best, always second or worse, falling too short of everyone's expectations, including my own. I am sorry I let everyone down. I am sorry I have failed so many times. Made all the wrong decisions. Made all the crazy choices.

I have limited money now, and will probably quit from my job sooner than later. Yet I keep squandering what little cash I have. I am a total nutcase. A sad excuse for a human.

I committed to do something, but I fear of doing it. I fear people's reactions. I fear their criticisms. I fear that I am just not good enough. And perhaps that's true.

I want to do something, yet nobody f***ing supports me. Or believes in me. I now feel like cr@p for even thinking about it in the first place. I will never be able to do that. I will never have the chance.

I am hating every part of me right now. I hate how I look and how I'm fat and how I just don't conform to what society wants to see. I hate how I am. I hate me. I hate every part of me.

Don't bother saying something nice. It won't make a difference.

Maybe I'll be fine in a few days. Just, PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE.

UNCLUTTERED CLUTTER

Whenever I make a mess of my room and have no more time to finish cleaning, I usually just put all the unfiled stuffs into a huge plastic bag and stash it into a big box. Over the months, said box became full, and so last night around 730pm, I decided to open it and organize the contents. Things went pretty well at first and I was able to throw out a lot of useless stuffs. But around 1am, I started to feel sleepy and tired, and then panicked when I realized that everything was still everywhere in my room. I sleep on the floor so if I couldn't finish cleaning up, then it also means I couldn't sleep yet. :(

I quickly decided to just set aside all the clutter just to make space for my mattress. And after a few minutes...

VOILA! The disarranged is arranged! ^___^

Because of my obsessive-compulsive personality, it takes me quite a while to arrange my stuffs, and boy, do I  like to collect a lot of useless stuffs. It's very easy for me to pour out all my things on the floor, but most of the time, I find it difficult to bring them together. It's like disassembling a jigsaw puzzle and then realizing that I can't put back the pieces. Or maybe I can, but it would take a really long time. And this frustrates me because I want to be a surgeon. And one of my fears is that I might open up something and I might not be able to fix it back. That would be like, so freaky. >___<

ALL "CLEAR"!!!

I have been victimized again! X____X

Remember my story on how some of my old pirated DVDs suddenly became like clear round plastic materials and lost all data?

Well, it has found another victim in my stash and it's none other than...

MY COPY OF SAIUNKOKU MONOGATARI THAT I HAVEN'T WATCHED YET!

Look at what happened to it...

It's now all clear and you can actually see the cover through the underside!

WHAT A CHEAP FSCK*NG@#%!$^&7$@!# PIECE OF TRASH!!!! T______T
It's not anyone's fault though, and if I were to point my fingers at someone, I'd blame myself. For supporting piracy. For stashing unnecessary materialistic stuffs. For not taking the time to watch my DVDs. And just for being the obsessive-compulsive hoarder that I am. I know these are made of cheap, low-quality materials and don't expect much from them, but of all titles, why Saiunkoku Monogatari!? I haven't watched it yet, don't know where to download it, and don't know anyone who has a copy of it! :(

And so this makes me ponder on what should be the best way to store my video collection. I have started backing up some of my files in external hard disks, but I'm afraid that they might get infected by a virus and crash someday (very much like what happened to my sister's now-useless Ipod Classic) and I'll lose at least 500gb worth of videos. I've also burned most of my animes into DVDs but I also noted that a lot of these somehow have burn errors and can no longer be read by my computer, thereby making me lose at least 4gb worth of files. Collecting DVDs also mean that they will eventually accumulate space in my room, which is exactly what is happening right now, as I've amassed at least two huge boxes full of VHS/CDs/VCDs/DVDs (to my mother's chagrin XD). Well, another option is to burn several copies and give them away to friends as gifts/back-ups, which is what I sometimes do, but that kinda takes up my time and money. Last option is to simply STOP COLLECTING, which I have been contemplating lately. The truth is, I've realized that I have been spending much and piling up a lot of these things which are earthly, costly, and later on, pretty useless. Doesn't the Bible say,
"Don't store up treasures here on earth, where they can be eaten by moths and get rusty, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where they will never become moth-eaten or rusty and where they will be safe from thieves. Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be." (Matthew 6:19-21, NLT)

Anyhoo, one of my 2011 Goals is to go on a Download Diet, which means I'm trying not to click-and-download pretty much everything that I see online. It's so difficult not to give in to the temptation but with my current state of workload and the difficult internet access in my workplace, I think I can somehow lie low a bit this year. Then hopefully I can focus on more important aspects of my life, like my spiritual growth and deciding the right direction for my career.

But still... WHY SAIUNKOKU MONOGATARI!?!?!? *cries*

THE ROCK

Decided to come home for the night to grab some stuffs and see my parents. I brought home a box of pineapple pie and around 8 liters of Fit and Right (how I got those bottles is a long story I'd rather not talk about right now...). So I lugged home my pasalubongs and took the bus to CDO.

I usually just sleep during bus rides but the ongoing movie caught my attention. I thought the background music was really familiar. Squinting my eyes (since I didn't have my glasses on) and scrutinizing the film, I realized that it was the 1996 movie THE ROCK, starring Sean Connery, Nicolas Cage and Ed Harris. I remember that this was my most favorite movie back in high school, and watching it again tonight made me realize that yes, I still love this movie! :)

I remember that I used to watch a lot of movies during my high school years. My mom, sister and I would often spend our Saturdays in the cinemas, and I would average around 40 movies per year (is that a lot?). That was way back when DVDs and downloads were still not the fad. Now I have a huge box of DVDs at home, plus more than a hundred movie titles in my hard drive, and I just have no idea when I'll be watching these. I miss those days when everyone just went to watch cinemas on weekends, and come monday, it would be the topic of every conversation. Times change though, and although I still watch the movies with my parents as often as we can, somehow it's just not the same as before.

Anyway, when I got off the bus, I took the taxi to Missy Bon Bon where I bought some ensaymadas to bring back to Malaybalay tomorrow. Then I had Butter Pecan gelato. YUM! :) Then lugging around my 1 box of pineapple pie, 3 boxes of ensaymadas, 8 liters of Fit and Right and my bag, I took another taxi to a hotel I'd rather not name here. A certain company in Manila has been calling me frequently on my phone, inviting me to dinner and to get my gift certificate in said hotel. Since I was already late for the dinner, I thought I could just go and get my gift certificate, since they told me to drop by anytime this week. But this REALLY RUDE and REALLY ARROGANT PAKINGSY*T GAY GUY looked at me without batting an eyelash, and immediately brushed me away and said my name wasn't on the list. I was so insulted by the way he treated me, and I wanted to just strangle him to death. But instead, I made some frustrated gestures and told him that I didn't have the time for this cr@p and walked away with my 1 box of pineapple pie, 3 boxes of ensaymadas, 8 liters of Fit and Right and my bag. I swear it was humiliating to be treated that way, and if I wasn't so damn tired, I really would have called up their main office to file a complaint. But I really just wanted to go home.

So now I'm home. Ate a sumptuous dinner my mom brought home from Pearlmont, and now I'm updating my torrent downloads, and my life. I'm losing sleep again though, so let's just end it here for now.

BEING PATIENT TO PATIENTS

I always joke that the reason I am a doctor is because I don't want to be patient. Actually that's not true, because I am often a gentle-mannered, polite, and easy-going person in almost all aspects of my life. Most of the time you won't see me get angry, or lash out against another person, or make sarcastic or mean remarks right in front of the person concerned. (Although I do have a loud and beefy voice which is often mistaken as an "annoyed" tone, and I can be honest to you about certain things, and I really don't want to tell you about stuffs suoh12 and I talk about in private regarding certain people -- BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY MY POINT HERE. XD) But most often than not, I'm really just your nice and friendly and accommodating neighborhood person. So getting me really angry early in the morning is totally stretching it to the limits. Which was what happened today.

I admitted a case of blunt trauma secondary to a vehicular crash at around 3AM today. The driver-turned-patient was drunk, and I had to bit my tongue to keep myself from saying that his foolishness and recklessness just made me lose much-needed sleep. I assessed him and managed him as a professional physician should do, even calling up the rad tech to do STAT Xrays. And even without presenting any insurance or deposits, we even started antibiotics on him. I was so busy with him that it was almost 530AM when I finally got to go back to my room. But not before I talked with his mother and explained his condition to the best of my ability, and reassured her that come morning, we will suture his wound and he will be seen by his attending surgeon who was already informed of this admission.

So imagine my confusion, and annoyance, when I was awakened after an hour by our nurse, who tells me that this certain patient's watcher (a sister who just arrived that morning) is making a scene in front of the nurses' station demanding to see a doctor and see something done to her brother. I immediately went down to see what was the problem, and introduced myself politely to this lady (whom I just saw for the first time). To my (groggy) surprise, she started b*tching about how we didn't do anything to her patient, and accused us of prioritizing money matters over the saving of a life. I rebutted her every allegation, because I know these weren't true at all. But she proceeded on raging and even speaking in english, and I also retorted back in english. I was reassuring her that her brother was being monitored properly and that his condition was stable. But I was also already subtly adding sarcasm to my remarks, and I had raised my voice a bit just to show her who's the authority here. She still b*tched till the very end, and said that I'd better be sure of what I was telling her. I turned away in annoyance because I didn't want to talk to someone who didn't want to listen to me anyway.

I went back to my room and noticed that my hands were shaking. I've never been good at confronting people or getting mad at them, and it always shows. My hands always shake and my speech is often all jumbled up. Most often I end up saying the wrong and lame things, and the words don't really sound quite right. Even my "angry tone" just doesn't sound at all convincing. Sometimes I also get tears in my eyes, which I always hate. I always seem to cry whenever I'm ovewhelmed with emotions. It's really quite embarrassing and inappropriate. Good thing I didn't cry in front of that lady. I know what I said to her and what I did to her patient were right, and what she said was plain ridiculous and her haughty attitude totally unnecessary. Deep down my conscience was clean. Yet I still couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty because of our exchange of conversation. I really don't like getting into these kinds of things. Couldn't we just have talked normally and peacefully and professionally instead?

The patient was eventually seen by his attending surgeon. His condition was stable all throughout this morning. His lacerated wound was sutured and a cranial CT scan (negative findings!) done. But all the while his sister still kept her b*tchy attitude, tormenting a lot of our hospital staff with her english words (except our Chief Nurse, whose glare alone can make you simply shut up).

Later in the afternoon however, a chest tube was inserted into his right lung, and that's when our surgeon noted he still seemed to be in a lot of pain. So he did a diagnostic peritoneal lavage and noted that the patient was bleeding inside his abdomen. So we immediately scheduled for an emergency explore lap, and guess who was called up to scrub in as surgical assistant? Lucky Me. It wasn't as toxic as it appeared though, and in no time the operation was done, and the patient was stable all throughout this ordeal (and hopefully until he gets discharged).

The events this afternoon made me think twice again about my attitude today. I do not claim to be a superior doctor nor to be a very knowledgeable one. I know I am lacking in many aspects and that I need to try harder. And everyday I always keep praying that God won't let me have patients that I do not have the ability to handle or manage, and somehow I get through every working day of my life learning through my experiences, through my peers, through my mentors. Although I swear to God that I managed that patient well, I still can't help but re-think about my attitude towards my patient and towards his sister, especially after I reassured her that her brother's condition was stable, yet he was still wheeled into the OR in the afternoon. Perhaps I was too haughty and overconfident? Perhaps I was too irritable and careless? I really don't know...

I know I am not perfect, but I do want to become a really good and holistic doctor. And I can only do so if I depend on the guidance of the Ultimate Healer and try harder in everything. I need to continue to pray to God for a heart of humility and compassion, and the attitude to be more patient to my patients (and their b*tchy sisters).

GOODBYE, YESTERDAY

I just realized that once you have already flipped through the pages of life, you can never turn back again. A chapter that has ended will forever remain closed for good.

There are people who come into your life and find an important place in your heart. Perhaps they're meant to fulfill a purpose. But then before you even know it, they are gone and they lose their meaning. They move on without you. And you know that every second the world turns, it will not wait for you. You also need to move on without them.

Who knows if your paths will cross again? Perhaps they never will. Deep down you probably still have words left unsaid, things left undone, maybe promises you have yet to keep. But right now, none of those really matter anymore. That part of them in you has already gone, and that part of you in them has already died as well. All that's left is this vague sense of unease, this strange heaviness within, this hazy memory of the past. There is nothing else to look back to, and nothing ahead to look forward for.

I really wished your life without me was miserable. But it's not. You ARE happy. And you know what?
I am glad...

Sayonara, Yesterday.





Wasurekaketeta yuuki Torimodoshi ni yukou
Doa no mukou de matte iru Atarashii boku ni deau tame

I’ll go recover the courage that I’d started to forget
For the sake of meeting the new me who is waiting on the other side of the door.

WAVES, WINDS WINGS, AND STORMS IN LIFE

Home again!

Got back yesterday. I was supposed to go home by Saturday, but I had to extend an extra day in Camiguin because of the strong winds and rough seas. And even when the weather calmed down a bit, it was still one helluva ride. Normally, while riding the Paras Seacat, the view is like this...



But during my last trip home, the view was like this...!


And it wasn't even raining!!! 0__o

I swear I could feel my insides being pulled up and down as the small craft rode the waves. I already took a tablet of Bonamine prior to the trip, and I had to take another one cos I really felt the need. After a while, the crew handed out plastic bags = barf bags.
I weakly smiled as I took one, and hurriedly shut my eyes, praying that the loud woosh woosh would just go away. It did not. I took a peek around and saw some passengers transfer to the center aisle seats, and some were lying down on the chairs already. I held on to my seat and hoped that I could fall asleep. I didn't. And eventually I retched into the barf bag. Thankfully, nothing came out. It took maybe an hour before we finally reached calm waters, and I fell into peaceful slumber for the next hour. I was really woozy when I arrived, but THANK GOD, I got back in one piece!

I felt a lot better when I arrived home, and as expected, sat in front of the PC again. But this time, I had a "mission" and that was to complete my collection list. I am quite proud to say that you can now view my "humble" video/manga collection online at
http://wingsofmyheart.blogspot.com.
I sense some sort of pride whenever I look at my list, but maybe to some, it's just a bunch of scraps. And maybe they're right, because I hoard TOO MUCH. Honestly, I've probably seen only about 25% of these. And I don't know if I will ever finish watching all of these in my lifetime, since I still keep on hoarding until now.

GuEsS wHaT's In ThE bOx!?!



TA-DAH! It's my HOARD COLLECTION!!!! XD


They've been (unfiled and) stashed into a box for now because we're going to move this weekend already.

Speaking of the move, we've finally decided to rent the apartment located on the 31st street. It's quite near, it's quite spacious
(4 bedrooms FTW!), and is quite new. The problem is, it's also quite expensive. But I feel safer and more at peace leaving my parents there when I'm off to work. We're tired already of wandering about, asking people, searching for a place to rent. So I think it's better this way. Money is something I can earn back anyway. But my parent's constant worrying is something I do not want to see anymore.



So in relation to this, I went to the bank this morning and opened a checking account, cos the owners want us to pay with post-dated cheques. So my Dad and I then went to see the owner, and I issued eight cheques with my signature on it. It was weird doing it, especially with my Father peering over me to see if I'll make a mistake in writing. The owners seem rather meticulous with their transaction with us, even giving us a contract of lease to sign. I guess that's for their own protection as well.

After lunch, I went to the cable company, the phone company and my ISP to request for transfer of their lines to our new address. The cable company charged 500pHp for the service, the phone company 300pHp, and BayanDSL a whopping 2500pHp!!! I felt my heart sank when the clerk at BayanDSL told me about the fee. I asked her if there's any chance I'd get a discount on it, since I'm relatively a new subscriber and I just recently paid for the installation fee. She said that it's a fixed price and they'll just bill me the fee once everything has been placed in order. I felt helpless sitting there knowing that I can do nothing but agree to their terms. It hasn't been a year yet since I started subscribing to BayanDSL, so I also don't have the option to terminate my subscription.

It was then that I somehow felt so drained and empty. I went to the bookstore to calm myself, and ALMOST bought GRAVITATION the novel. I placed it back after thinking twice, but ended up impulsively buying THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA hardbound novel instead. I also ate Lasagna at Greenwich and thought it was nothing special. Then I bought dinner for my parents and went home.

When I got home, I related to my Mom what happened the entire day, and somehow burst into tears while telling her that I've almost drained out my savings account already. What's left in my bank account right now has already been promised for something else, and the rest is just the maintaining balance. I haven't received my salary in Camiguin yet because of some discrepancies, and I will have to work my ass off in Malaybalay come Friday to make sure that my cheques won't bounce. I actually didn't want to worry my Mother and didn't want them to think that I was being calculating or that I was paying for the rent grudgingly. I was not (although I may sound bitter and all). It's just that the feeling of seeing all my hard-earned money, painstakingly being saved for the past 9 months, gone down the drain in just one day somehow caught me off guard. I didn't want my Mom to feel guilty or worried, and perhaps I made her feel that way when I cried. I didn't want to cry. The tears just came. And she unintentionally fueled the pain by saying, "Your uncle asked when are you planning to go into residency?", to which I replied, "How will I do that when I don't have any money?!"

I am so mean and horrible!!! T___T I am so sorry... I'm so sorry I acted that way. It was such a bad thing to say, and it was bad to cry and mull over something as petty as money.

I can earn it back again anyway. This is just a mountain in my life which I will overcome. GOD will see me through this storm.

TWO MOVIES AND A LOST CARD



We went to watch two movies yesterday. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was just OK. As expected, the special effects, especially the transformation sequences, were cool. But maybe because I just wasn't a fan of the series, or maybe the plot wasn't interesting enough for me, so I was a bit bored. What was really funny was when the opening credits started rolling and the title flashed, my mom suddenly said, "Is the movie starting already?" and when I nodded, she suddenly exclaimed in a very confused voice, "WE ARE WATCHING TRANSFORMERS AND NOT ICE AGE!?!" I laughed at my mom's astonished state.

After the movie, we ate an early dinner at Yellow Cab then decided to watch Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. My father is a fan of the franchise, and I've also enjoyed the first two movies. But I found this third movie really really entertaining. The storyline isn't anything unusual, but it was really so much fun! I laughed from start to finish, until I've got tears streaming down my eyes. I highly recommend this movie if you want to de-stress yourself and just have a relaxing experience.

Yesterday, I also misplaced my ATM card. *sad* I couldn't find it anywhere and suspect that I must have absent-mindedly placed it inside the tithe envelope, which I already dropped in the tithe box in church. *cries* Regardless, I'm going to the bank today to file for loss and for a new card. On a side note, I really haven't saved much for the past two months and cannot account for my expenses.
I am just so messed up.

A VERY LONG DAY

Since I slept around 4ish am so I woke up late and left the house around 1030am. I needed to do a lot of things which I've been procrastinating for the past two days, so I was slightly pissed cos it was already so late. I'm always pissed during mornings.

First I went to the Philippine Medical Association to get my ID. And I know that I have paid until May 2010, but my membership was only listed as until 2009, so I don't know what's up with that. But since I didn't bring my receipt, I decided to clarify it next time. I wanted to go to the Bureau of Internal Revenue office but it's quite far and by the time I'll reach there, it will be their lunch break already, so I decided to go to Limketkai Mall instead.


I went to McDo for lunch and had my favorite Double Cheeseburger Deluxe plus the Ice Age 3 special Twister Fries and Ice Blue Float. The float tasted like medicine x___x. While I was there, I plotted my activity for the day so that I can maximize my time in the afternoon. I also met my classmate Chris Bandoy there.


Around 130pm, I went to Picture City because I needed some 1x1 ID pics. Then I went to National Bookstore to buy some stuffs which were actually quite useless: a padded envelope for my Mom's portable DVD player, a green highlighter which I don't really need, and on impulse, I picked up a copy of one of my favorite books, Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie, and took all these to the cashier. Then I went to Watson's to buy some more useless stuffs, and then stopped by Robinson's Department Store and ended up buying a plaid blouse and some underwear. Then I ate low fat cappuccino ice cream at Fiorgelato. To sum up what I've done, I ended up spending some money on stuffs which were not part of the budget. Hahay. >__<


While sitting in Fiorgelato, I was texting my friend Gervie. We made plans to visit our high school classmate Mark, who was here for Sarah Geronimo's concert. Then I browsed through the Peso Saver (a local magazine of ads) and checked out some listed houses/apartments for rent. We're given until October to move out our present apartment, so hopefully we'll have ample time to prepare.

For my last stop in Limketkai, I went to the Sun Shop to pay my bill, then asked them regarding the possibility of having my Sony Ericsson R300 repaired. Last night, I accidentally dropped it and must have damaged something, cos I can't hear my calls anymore. Since our SE service center closed down some time ago, so the Sun agent told me that if I wanted it repaired, they'd have to send it to Manila. I had the impression that he was subtly hinting that I should just have it fixed at some cellphone repair shop here. I'm still thinking about this though, cos my phone is still under warranty, and it's such a waste not to use that.

It was almost 4pm when I left the mall and went to Divisoria. What I really needed to do today was to complete the requirements for my Philhealth Accreditation as physician, yet I went malling instead. *bonks self* It was already raining by then, and since I didn't bring an umbrella and was running against time, so I ended up getting a bit drizzled. I went to a random law office, and had my application NOTARIZED. I don't know what that means but I paid PhP200 for it! *cries* Then I photocopied some documents before heading to the Philhealth office.

To my surprise, they were almost closed! (It was still 445pm in my watch!) I begged the guard to let me in since I was only submitting my requirements, so he said OK. I approached the officer handling accreditation, whom I've spoken with before, and the first thing she actually said to me was, "Kinsa gali ka?" (Who are you again?!) I felt weird about that since I thought it wasn't a very polite thing to say, but maybe she was in a hurry to go home cos they were already closing. I told her I was there to submit requirements for accreditation, and so she started perusing my documents. Everything was OK until she got to the last requirement which was the M15/RF1 which is like a receipt indicating that my employer has paid my Philhealth monthly dues for me. I only had March and April with me, and she specifically instructed me last time to bring the receipts for January to May.

I know it was error on my part. The lady was only doing her job. But still I felt my face turn into a frustrated scowl. After getting soaked by the rain running around Divisoria and now I have to bother our pharmacist Mam Cha AGAIN for these papers! Mam Cha handles most of the concerns in the hospital so she's always very busy, and I don't really want to disturb her anymore. Well the lady officer must've noticed my change of expression, cos she started becoming very defensive, saying that she was already being lenient and all. She added that the main office in Manila won't be that complaisant, and also something about the cashier having gone home already so nobody can receive my payment anyway, blah blah blah. I know she's right, but I was just sOoOOOOOoooOOo... pissed off at her! And I made sure she felt my annoyance.

So with my main objective for the day not met, I glumly left the Philhealth office and went to the bank to deposit some money.

Then I went to buy a buko pandan pearl shake at Orbitz to chill my flames of anger, before heading to the office of our cable company. I was going to file a complaint because we suddenly lost some of our international channels, and we were informed by my Mom's friend that the cable operator has decided to upgrade their system, and it will include a major change of channels and a major conversion fee of PhP2500! We received a notice about their upgrade but there was nothing stated there about having to pay additional fees so that's what I wanted to clarify. The customer service lady told me that they have placed running ads in various channels at various time slots, to which I promptly retorted, "BUT WE DON'T WATCH TV 24 HOURS OF THE DAY JUST TO READ YOUR MEASLY RUNNING ADS!!!" She ended up having to explain stuffs to me in a small voice because I was obviously frustrated and purposely being mean to her. It was a useless being that way though. I still couldn't get back our channels despite my show of exasperation. I actually achieved nothing. But I just really wanted to be mean. u__u

So it was around 530pm, and I needed to meet Gervie in Limketkai but due to heavy traffic, I had to take two rides. I made a stop at Gaisano Mall, and so I visited their Booksale branch and ended up buying a copy of Horton Hears A Who by Dr Seuss, one of my favorite authors from childhood. Then I went to meet Gervie, and by 6pm, we went to meet Mark in his hotel.

He was quite busy trying to prepare for the concert and entertain family and friends who dropped by to visit him. But he still made time to make chitchat with us and to even call some of our other classmates. And although he may have changed a lot, yet he somehow still retained that wacky side of his which made us laugh all throughout high school (earlier, he tried to change inside a closet! XD). So I hope we can always see that part of him.

Thanks for meeting with us today, Mark!

Gervie and I decided to further support our friend by watching Sarah Geronimo's concert, where he is a guest. So we left Mark to prepare and vocalize (or whatever it is that he does before a show), bought tickets (the cheap ones were all sold out already x___x), then had dinner at Mandarin before watching the concert. Sarah really has a nice and strong solid voice, but neither of us were her fans though. *sheepish* Her guests were: Mark Bautista, Mark Herras, Jimmy Marquez, Simon Wood and the G-Force. Billy Crawford unfortunately couldn't make it. Um... I won't go into the details anymore cos I'm already so sleepy, suffice it to say that Gervie and I somehow enjoyed the concert, but it was kinda an awkward experience for us. The show ended around 11-ish, and we took a taxi and went home. It would've been nice to have talked more with Mark but I guess we'll just have to keep in touch in some other ways (er, facebook? XD).

Yes, it cost us PhP800 each!!!

Well... I'm off to sleep now. Good night.

UPDATES OF MY LIFE


Just got back from Camiguin. And now, for a quick rundown on the present state of my life (in no particular order)...

• WE NEED TO MOVE OUT OF OUR APARTMENT ASAP. We've been living in simple and cozy apartment for almost 15 years (I think..) but my parents were just informed yesterday that we need to move out as soon as possible. The landlord has decided that they will be using this unit for one of their daughters, who already got married. My father's paranoia is cracking up, while my mother is fretting over small things. And I was planning to handle this rationally but got pissed off when my mom started bickering about my CDs (which isn't really the main issue here). My father is dead set on buying a housing unit in a subdivision but I told him that it's not that easy to process documents and loan money for that, not to mention that such a HUGE DECISION requires careful planning and discussing. Now is just not the time for that. I told them that we all need to calm down and the first thing we need to do is to find a place where we can move in for now, and other issues will just have to wait. I know this is just a trial and that there's a purpose for this. I am praying that GOD will take care of us in the days to come, and that He will guide us to a place where He will be glorified and His will be done.
  
  
  
  
• MY SISTER IS GOING TO JAPAN. My sister has been working in a Japanese IT company in Cebu for the past two years, and she has been waiting for her chance to go to Japan for training. And now the time has come, and she'll be leaving come September and will be staying there until early December.
  
  She will be staying here.
  I am so envious!!! Going to Japan has always been my dream but I guess my sister will have to take care of my otaku fandom for now and buy my "needs" for me when she gets there. I feel quite excited for her and this new adventure, and I pray that she'll be safe and happy there.
  
  
  
  
• I NEED TO GO TO MANY PLACES TOMORROW. My agenda tomorrow will involve going to the offices of PMA, BIR, CAP, Philheath, SSS and maybe try to find a house where we could move in. I hope I'll wake up early tomorrow cos it's going to be a long day. I might watch a movie if I will feel like it. Wonder if Hannah Montana the Movie is still showing or if it's another movie that I've missed to watch again.
  
  
  
  
• MY TEN DAYS IN CAMIGUIN WERE MEMORABLE. I was able to do 3 spontaneous vaginal deliveries, one of which is an undelivered second twin. It's my first time to actually do something like that. I also had a patient who was stabbed by his brother, and arrived at the ER with the knife still stuck to the hilt in his back. I was quite shocked to see something like that, but resuscitation measures were futile since the patient already died on arrival. And on my last day I had another admitted patient who suddenly died. He was quite a complicated case yet I cannot quite explain why he died. A similar incident happened last month too. I hope this won't become something like a monthly tradition or something. It's making me all the more depressed and burned out.
  
  
  
  
• MY UNCLE RECENTLY DIED. Before I left for Camiguin, I received news that my Kotiu suddenly died due to an acute onset of low back pain. It was an unexpected event, and although we were not exceptionally close and have lost contact over the years, but I've always remembered him as one who treated me like his own daughter when I was still a kid. He used to live next door to us with his five daughters, and they'd often count me in as their 6th sibling. Suddenly hearing him die of an unknown illness, and not even getting to see him for the last time makes me feel regretful. I so wanted to attend his wake but I couldn't because of my work schedule. I so wanted to meet my cousins too who came home for the funeral. It was a shock to all of them since they have also lost contact with him for some time as well. I hope my uncle rests in peace, and my cousins will overcome their grief.
  
  
  
  
• MY FRIENDS GOT MARRIED. Before I left for Camiguin, I also attended the church wedding of my friends, Chris and Doc Grace. It was a small and simple wedding, only attended by family and close friends, and I was lucky to be invited, and even luckier to take part in the entourage. I was able to find a nice and simple green dress which matched the motif, and thankfully, I did not goof up when I tied the cord on the couple. I feel very happy for them and wish them many many blissful years ahead.
  
  
  
  
• I GOT A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT. I originally didn't plan on getting one cos I don't have the time to manage something like that. But my boyfriend suddenly decided to register on FB, and my high school friends sent me messages to join, so if you can't beat 'em then you really just got to join 'em. I still don't know how to play around with the applications, but hopefully I'll get used to it soon. We're planning our high school reunion come June 2010 in FB, so it's actually quite fun discussing all these and remembering old memories as well. More details re: the high school reunion when we get to finalize the plans.
  
  
  
  
• I NEED TO SERIOUSLY LOSE WEIGHT. With an upcoming high school reunion come next year, I suddenly feel desperate to lose my "excess baggages". And I know my lack of discipline and sedentary lifestyle also contributes to my current feelings of burn-out and depression. OK, 'nuff said. Don't really wanna talk about that. But I want changes, and I want them to be DRASTIC changes.
  
  
  
  
• I AM SETTING A KIRIBAN IN MY DEVIANTART ACCOUNT. And I've set it on the 999th pageview. Whoever captures a screenshot of it gets an OC rendition from me. I know I haven't been making decent drawings lately, but I really have lots of ideas brewing in my mind right now, and I've already made a prototype character design for my OC, Chappi-tan. More details of that (and more scrap art) will be posted on http://pandaandpotato.deviantart.com soon.
  
  
  
  
• I FINISHED THREE ANIMES AND ONE TV DRAMA IN THE PAST TEN DAYS. And they are: Bokura Ga Ita, Neo Angelique Abyss, Izumo: Takeki Tsurugi no Senki, and the Taiwanese Idol Drama, Love or Bread. I'll write more about this in a separate entry.
  
  
  
  
• I JUST CHECKED MY TORRENT LIST and realized that I've finished downloading the J-doramas VOICE and KOIZORA. Next in line is another J-dorama, ONE POUND GOSPEL, based on the Rumiko Takahashi manga, followed by LIAR GAME and BUMP OFF LOVER. I also have to facilitate transfer of my internet connection to wherever we're headed for. Hopefully we'll have better connection and Sun signal there.

That's all for now, I guess. I'm still quite tired from the travel so I'm going to catch some zzzz's now. Will blog again tomorrow.

RUNNING AROUND

Seems like I've been "running" all over the place for the past few days.
Unfortunately, it's not the type of running that sheds off weight. XD

I'm talking about how I'm going about trying to accomplish the following :

• Process papers and complete application requirements;
  
• Meet friends and return their DVDs;
  
• Catch up on my internet life;
  
• Buy needs and prepare for work come Sunday.

Somehow though, I feel that I'm trying to do so many things with so little time, and this just makes me so tired. The fact that most of the time I'm away from my home, far from the hustle-bustle of city life, and disconnected from my internet for 23 days of the month -- this fact makes me so tired. And perhaps that's why I just have this uneasiness within me. I'm not really complaining, because I'm very blessed with two jobs. But it's also really quite difficult to find time for myself when most of the days of the month, I'm just not at home. And the times I'm at home, I'm always so busy trying to catch up and trying to do stuffs I need to do before I'll be leaving again. But maybe this kind of lifestyle is also what I need to keep me from idling my time away in the internet.

Anyway, the past two days, I went to take a neuro-psychological exam, which was quite a weird experience for me, since the last time I took a similar type of exam was still in med school. And somehow, I feel that I'm not very good at these, especially on the abstract reasoning part (being the unreasonable person that I am XD). When I was interviewed by the psychiatrist, he praised me for my drawing of a person, which was of a long haired girl wearing a gown reminiscent of my Romeo x Juliet fandom. LOLz He asked me if I want to have further studies in Fine Arts. I merely shrugged and laughed, knowing deep down that the path of an artist is something I've long abandoned.

Next I went to have a drug test, and silly me, I thought they were going to take a blood sample. When the med tech gave me a bottle to collect my urine, I tried to pee but I couldn't even if my life depended on it, so I gave back the empty bottle and said I'll just return later in the afternoon. I drank more than 1.5L of fluids at home before I went back to make sure I'd have more than enough urine sample. Of course I tested NEGATIVE. But my picture (taken by a webcam) on the test result looked really weird. XD

I also went to get an NBI clearance. It was my first time, and it was quite an unusual experience, especially the part where the officer took my fingerprints. I guess to ensure the validity of the results, an NBI staff is assigned to LITERALLY assist you in taking your fingerprints, as in he really lifted and dabbed my fingers one by one in the black ink, then on my application form! And then I had to wait for quite a while before my number was called to pay at the cashier, after which I stood on the next window to have my picture taken. Since the officer in charge of taking my picture wasn't looking at me and seemed busy with some papers, I kept looking uneasily at the camera, and rolled my eyes to the left nd right, feeling quite uncomfortable. Then before I knew it, the officer suddenly gave me a thumbs-up sign, implying that my pic was already taken. HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME TO PREPARE! u___u It will definitely be another weird photo. I'm just so sure of it! But I won't be getting my NBI clearance until after two weeks (since I guess my name is too common) so I will just have to wait and see how weird my photo will appear. XD

I also went to the Philhealth office to apply for accreditation as physician, but there were a list of requirements that I need to comply with, so I will need to go back again to submit them. I wasn't able to visit the Pag-ibig office or the PMA office because I didn't have time anymore (because I kept waking up late in the morning, ehehehe XD).


I was able to meet up with my friend Lalac yesterday, and we had a fun evening just talking and eating cake. I met her again today because I had to give something important to her, then I went to meet my friend Yume for dinner at Rai Rai Ken then for a little ice cream at Fiorgelato (yum!). She's starting her career as an elementary school teacher this Monday, and I just wish her all the luck. After dinner, I went to see my friend Joey at her house and I gave her some DVDs and she showed me her (huge) collection of downloaded videos and stuffs, mostly related to DBSK (Tohoshinki). She's so "obsessed" with them right now. I like them too but I'm just not so familar with all their songs and achievements. Besides, I feel that I don't have the time to fangirl anymore. I mean, I already have so many things in my hands, and following so many series/animes/mangas. I can't afford to obsess on something else cos I will end up doing more of THIS...

PLEASE DON'T ASK WHY I HAVE 295 FILES QUEUED. XD

Joey also let me borrow Twilight Books 2, 3 and 4. So I no longer have any excuse NOT to read them. Hehehe She showed me a teaser trailer of the upcoming movie, New Moon. I am not much of a fan really, and just do not find Robert Pattinson attractive at all (I am so turned off by his pasty make-up T__T). But maybe reading the books may help me change my mind.

Or maybe not. XD

Lastly, tomorrow I have to meet Gervie and Hime, buy stuffs for use in Malaybalay, buy a dress and shoes for the upcoming wedding I'm attending, and have dinner with my parents. Hopefully I can still find time to blog tomorrow...

A "CLEAR" DVD COPY

I was doing CD-rearranging (part2), and while sorting through my Asian Movies Collection, I was shocked to discover something...

So this is my copy of the korean war movie Silmido, proudly purchased from the Pirates of the Caribean Divisoria.
I got this almost 5 years ago but still haven't it watched yet...



And when I flipped it...


I noticed that the entire surface has turned completely transparent!!!

Maybe it's not so evident in the photo, but the entire DVD looked like clear plastic. (Or those priority numbers they hand-out in CDR-King...). The gray part you see is actually already the backside of the label of the DVD!

I immediately removed all the DVDs in the case and flipped them over. Most of them were still in good condition, but I noticed four others which were not so fortunate: My Boyfriend is Type B, Marrying The Mafia, Spinkick, and Turn Left Turn Right.
I wanted to cry, especially when I saw that Turn Left Turn Right was also affected. It is one of my most favorite movies. How can I ever find another replacement!?! T___T


See, when I hold it up against the light, I can already see through the cover!! :(

I have no choice but to throw them away. Actually my friend, Gervie, told me of a similar incident about his DVDs turning transparent. I could hardly believe him because it sounded so ridiculous and funny. Now, I don't think it's funny at all... *cries!*

Actually I had to throw out a whole bunch of anime VCDs too because they are no longer playing... I don't know why...


So that's Ai Yori Aoshi (8 discs), Love Hina (9 discs) and Slam Dunk OVAs (4 discs). It's a bit hard to let go because when I bought these six years ago, they cost around 90 per disc! And I had to beg friends during the Christmas Party to give me one or two discs as gift until I was able to complete the series. But I guess the CD used was of poor quality, cos I can't play them anymore!!!

I wonder how many of my other CDs are no longer working properly as well. I haven't even watched so many of my video collection, especially the dramas, so I can't imagine how I would feel if one day when I finally decide to watch them, I find out that they're no longer working! *knocks on wood* Actually, presently, I'm converting or re-downloading some of my stuffs into data files and burning them into DVDs. It's less bulky but it's also time consuming and expensive, so I decided not to be too meticulous and serious about it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I can just give my fandom all up, and not buy/borrow/download/watch any more animes and dramas. I think to myself, what is the purpose of hoarding all these... they are just materialistic, worldly objects occupying my space and taking up too much of my time and my life. But I can't seem to stop hoarding. It has become a disease.

UNETHICAL UNREASONABLE UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS

Yesterday I mentioned that I was going to blog about the reason why I'm back home earlier than expected from my work in Talakag, Bukidnon. But before we go into that, let me just recount what happened to me there...

Earlier this month, Doc Geng, who is one of my co-residents in MPGH, asked me if I was willing to work for ten days in a primary hospital in Talakag because his co-resident there needs a reliever to cover for him. I am usually skeptical about relieving in hospitals I've never been to, since it would mean adjusting to the system and to the people there. But since it's just a small hospital (with only 10-bed capacity) located just 45 minutes away from the city, plus the pay is really quite good, so I decided to take the job. So, with my HUGE traveling bag, I was off last Tuesday (April 21) for ten straight days of duty in Bukidnon Provincial Hospital - Talakag.


The ride from the city to the hospital was smooth and fast, and before I knew it, I was already inside the institution. Nothing fancy about it, I thought the building could use some renovating. But I thought the general countryside feel of the entire area seemed pretty nice. It kinda reminded me of my past work in Libona, Bukidnon, far from the normal hustle-bustle of city life. The air was a lot cooler than here in CDO, which was a bit of a relief, since the summer heat here is just plain killing me.


Well anyway, Doc Geng was still there when I arrived and he showed me around and endorsed some stuffs to me. The quarters was a bit cramped and the ventilation was not so good. The CR was also not the best kind in town. But since I'm not very picky anyway, so I thought it was otherwise habitable with just a bit of rearranging. Before he left, Doc Geng was kind enough to provide me some fresh bedsheets (which I quite liked) and a big bottle of distilled water for my consumption.

My first day was actually quite fascinating. Besides being able to see several patients and treat them clinically without any supporting lab results, I was also able to do a normal delivery and repair of episiotomy, and also did an excision of sebaceous cyst. I was a bit nervous doing it all by myself since it's been a long time since I've done unsupervised procedures. But I guess all those training during clerkship and internship paid off. On my first night I was already in bed by 8pm. And I woke up 6am the next day without any sleep disturbances. Hehehe

My second day was a bit similar to the first, except that I had a case of incomplete abortion (where I had to pull out the fetus already hanging from the vaginal os). The nurses asked me if I'd like to perform completion currettage, and although I've tried it before during clerkship and pre-residency, but I have a feeling that I'm not ready to do it so I declined. I just referred the patient to CDO. I also excised another sebaceous cyst in the afternoon. I was hoping I'd get a chance to circumcise, but sadly, no one came. My second night wasn't as uneventful as the first, since I think there were about 4 admissions, but still benign compared to anywhere else.

On my third day, after I had my breakfast and morning rounds, I immediately proceeded to the ER to see my OPD patients. I was surprised to see that a pile of charts were already on my table. Apparently, the doctor in the Philhealth Station took a leave of absence for that day, so all their patients were referred to the hospital. I felt a bit annoyed deep down because I felt that it wasn't part of my job anymore. But still I had no choice, so I just kept it all in and started calling the names.

By around 9-ish am, I was surprised to see Dr Y, who was the doctor that I was relieving. He asked me if I could spare some time cos he wanted to speak to me. Since he was holding an envelope, I thought that maybe he was going to give me my salary and so I was a bit excited. He did hand me some money but I was wrong to think that it was my entire salary. Imagine my surprise when he said that he was mistaken to have thought that non-regulars could go on duty as relievers. He said that it is apparently not allowed and so I will just get paid for the two days that I've worked and that I can go home already. I swallowed really hard, flashed a smile, and thanked him. Then I stuffed all my things in my bag and went on my way. As I was going out, someone told me that Dr Y was headed for CDO, so I could hitch a ride with him. So I did, and I was home by 12 noon. And I guess that explains the whole thing.

Sounds pretty simple right? But if I have written this entry three days ago, you'd probably be reading something that would involve a lot of cussing and frustrated grumbling (and maybe some yelling...). Because that was exactly how I felt that time. I was very very furious deep down because I felt really embarrassed as I was leaving. I felt like people were looking at me curiously, wondering why at one moment I was still their ER physician, and the next minute I was already packed to go home. I thought of the money that was given to me, and compared it to the money that I was supposed to receive by the end of the ten days, and it made me even angrier. I did not follow-up my application to Camiguin, and turned down another similar job offer in Don Carlos because I have committed to this. And yet, I found myself jobless after two days. I felt like I've wasted so much of my time and efforts, and that everything seemed like a big joke on me. I was so so so so frustrated then, and so that's why I opted to just hush about it at first, and just share it right now after I have already calmed down.

Well, that's all in the past now and I just really want to drop the whole sad memory so let's just end it at that. I'm still glad I got the rest of the days off so I was able to meet Hya and Shay. I also have the time now to clean my room, watch my DVDs and maybe meet up with Yume and Joey. I am thankful that I have time in my hands now, but I'm still very dismayed over this unexpected turn of events.

THE FRIGHT FRUSTRATION BEFORE CHRISTMAS



I was playing The Fright Before Christmas which is an online flash game featuring Cartoon Network's characters -- Mandy, Billy and Grim -- fighting off evil toys. Each character is equipped with a specific weapon -- i.e. Mandy with an assault weapon which she throws at the enemy; Billy with a frosticle that temporarily stops the movement of enemy; and Grim with a vacuum cleaner that sucks the gear-like remnants of the toys which would serve as money to upgrade their equipment. The evil toys include red devilish balloons, mini green robots, flying teddy bears, ugly ventriloquist puppets, dolls with a propeller heads, jacks-in-the-box, and all sorts of other playthings.




The gameplay is pretty simple. You use the mouse to aim and shoot, and the space bar to change characters. It starts off really easy, but later on it will be hard to fend off the enemies that will attack you in clusters. And sometimes, even upgrading your weapon may not necessarily mean that it would improve your play because some weapons are quite difficult to manipulate. The main objective here is to ward off the evil toys and protect those eight candles from going out. It's an addicting game, and I have played it twice before, and each game would last for more than one hour (almost two...) but I never really got to finish it.

So I played again tonight, trying to see how far I'd go and hoping I'd be able to play until the end. I already played for maybe more than 90 minutes, and was quite confident because I was doing pretty well, and... in my hurried frenzy of moving the mouse to shoot at the evil toys, I ACCIDENTALLY MOVED THE CURSOR TOO FAR AND IT SOMEHOW CLICKED ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED LINK WHICH PROMPTED THE ENTIRE PAGE TO RELOAD!!! I couldn't imagine the dismay on my face when I realized my mistake. I WAS ALREADY ON LEVEL 29!!!! I can't believe I just ended my game just like that... I feel so frustrated right now!!! *cries* T__T

I really should stay away from online flash games. They are pretty useless and take up too much of my time which should have been spent on cleaning my room or watching my DVDs.

But still... I WAS ALREADY ON LEVEL 29....!!!!! *cries* T__T