A Piffle Princess Story

WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR

Four years ago, I went with two close friends to PGH to apply for a slot in their OB-GYN Residency Training program. After a month of pre-residency, I got accepted, but I chickened out. A lot of valid reasons to justify why I didn't pursue it back then, but looking back, well, those were probably just excuses.

Two years ago, I mustered up the courage to go back again. This time, I went alone. I stayed for more than a month. I thought I prepared myself really well for it, but I just wasn't prepared for this...

Well, it's been almost two years now since that letter. I've just never seemed to have learned to move on. It's like all these years I have been chasing after that dream, but it has been an elusive one. In fact, I've always wondered if it's just all wishful thinking. I'm not even sure if I want to be an obstetrician-gynecologist, if I want to spend my entire life taking care of women and delivering their babies. I never really considered applying for other hospitals or preparing for another field. So since I don't have a Plan B, let's just say that I've been a little lost since then. I just don't know where else to go.

So, with the intent of taking a step forward, I decided to submit an application to train in the tertiary government hospital in my city. It may not be as prestigious as PGH, but I've had my clerkship year there, and I know that their training is excellent. But I was very busy and depressed last month, and was still so hesitant about handing in my application. So by the time I submitted my papers last Wednesday, there were already TEN others who have been scheduled for pre-residency for the next three months. And only TWO of them will be accepted come January. The chairperson of the department politely suggested that I follow up my application some time JULY of 2013. In other words, come back again next year.

And since I didn't apply in any other hospitals, I guess I'm not training again for another year...  (╯︵╰,)

At this point, I really do not know what to do with my life anymore. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm also losing my endurance in working and my drive for my profession. I want to look at this positively and understand all of this, but it's not like anything in my life right now is going anywhere.

I am quite disappointed with myself and with the fact that my application wasn't successful. Disappointed, but not really devastated. In fact, I was surprised that I was able to accept it easily, and that I was even relieved. My prayer was that if I won't be accepted anyway, then I'd rather not be wasting time and effort doing a month of pre-residency. I wasn't expecting God's answer to be a form of rejection, but the chairperson of the department was really nice and sympathetic about the whole thing, and so I actually didn't feel like I was turned down. The thought that came into my mind was that, "When God closes a door, He does it with a really loud bang!" At least I got a crystal clear answer.

As a friend from church said encouragingly, "Thank God for unanswered prayers, because we know that there's something else better in store for us." Maybe, it's just not meant to be. Or possibly the timing isn't right yet. I might still have something I need to accomplish. Plus I'm currently enrolled in GLC and I still have to finish the course so I can graduate this March. But whatever my future holds, I know Who holds my future. That's pretty much the dogma that has been sustaining me through this trying time, this wandering in the wilderness for many years akin to what the Israelites went through. And I know that He would never leave me nor withhold His blessings, cos as soon as I left the hospital, job offers for the next two months came through my phone. There's even work until April of next year that's being offered to me! The doors for residency training may be closed for now, and I probably still won't know where I'm heading for. But I am still a physician and no one can take that away from me. And I have my security and my peace in my God, and that too, will always pull me through.